SIGNS AND HEADLINES

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The following item was emailed to me by both Steve M and John P – thanks guys.

I don’t know how many are factual, I would like to believe all are.

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PROOF READING: A LOST ART

Signs and headlines . . .

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Did I read that sign right?

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

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In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

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In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS...

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In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

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In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

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Outside a second-hand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

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Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS...

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Spotted in a safari park:

(I sure hope so.)

ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.

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Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.

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Message on a leaflet:

IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.

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On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.)

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

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MAN KILLS SELF BEFORE SHOOTING WIFE AND DAUGHTER

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.

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SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS

Really? Ya' think?

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POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS

Now that's taking things a bit far!

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PANDA MATING FAILS; EXPERT TAKES OVER

What a guy!

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MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

Good-for-nothing lazy so-and-so's!

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JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT

See if that works better than a fair trial!

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WAR DIMS HOPES FOR PEACE

I can see where it might have that effect!

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IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST AWHILE

Ya' think?!

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COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES

Who would have thought!

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ENFIELD COUPL SLAIN: POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE

They may be on to something!

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ED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGES

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

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MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING: FACES BATTERY CHARGES

He probably IS the battery charge!

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NEW STUDY ON OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP

Weren't they fat enough?!

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ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT

That's what he gets for eating those beans!

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KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS

Do they taste like chicken?

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LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPUTS CUT IN HALF

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

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HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS

Boy, are they tall!

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And the winner is...

TYPHOON REIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD

Did I read that right?