SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS

A contribution from Peter B, thanks Peter . . . 

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They really do exist . . .

NUMBER ONE IDIOT, SO FAR IN 2019 

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre.

Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. 

She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. 

I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away. 

NUMBER TWO IDIOT, SO FAR IN 2019 

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. 

Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them. 

It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. 

They are no longer employed at Boeing. 

NUMBER THREE IDIOT, SO FAR IN 2019 

A man, wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland , walked into the Branch and 

wrote 'Put all your muny in this bag.' 

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank and crossed the street to the NAB Bank. 

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go back to Bank of Queensland ... 

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. 

He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of Queensland. 

Happened in Noosa! 

NUMBER FOUR IDIOT, SO FAR IN 2019

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all  of the cash from the cash drawer. 

After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' 

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. 

At this point, the robber took his driver's licence out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. 

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got off the licence. They arrested the robber two hours later. 

NUMBER FIVE IDIOT, SO FAR IN 2019

A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. 

NUMBER SIX IDIOT, SO FAR IN 2019

Seems this bloke wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just  throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. 

So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. 

The brick bounced back knocking him unconscious. 

It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi-Glass... 

The whole event was caught on videotape.. 

Perth WA ... 

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: 

My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger.. 

She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' 

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.. 

Happened in Surfers Paradise !!! 

IDIOT SIGHTING: 

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ''Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' 

He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.' 

Happened in Melbourne ... 

JUST AN IDIOT: 

When my husband and I arrived at a car dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. 

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. 

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 

'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' 

His reply, 'I know - I already done that side.' 

This was at the FORD dealership Dubbo.