Funny Friday

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SOME HUMOUR . . .

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My son, while gazing up at the sky, asked me how stars die

"Usually an overdose", I said

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Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?

Me: That’s when I went to Yale.

Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.

Me: Thanks. I really need this Yob.

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What's the difference between communism and a pencil?

The pencil works on things other than paper.

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Stalin's secretary hears one of his generals say "Mean Mr Moustache".

She quickly runs into Stalin’s office and reports the words. Stalin thanks her and calls for the general to be brought to him.

When the general arrives, Stalin sits him down and asks "I've received a report you said 'Mean Mr Moustache'; is that correct?"

"Why, yes, comrade, it is." The general replies.

"And who were you referring to by that?"

"Mr Hitler, of course, comrade."

"Thank you. Could you send my secretary back in when you leave."

When the general leaves and the secretary returns to Stalin’s office, he motions for her to sit down, leans in close, and asks

"So who did you think he was referring to?"

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Having too much sex can cause memory loss

I read it on page 37 in a medical journal in November 2006 at 4:19pm

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK . . .

St. Augustine thought he had found

The sin by which mankind is bound:

"It was not," so said he,

"The fruit on the tree,

But the lust of the pair on the ground."

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FROM THE VAULT . . .

There are five cows on a farm, one mama cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mum and asks, “Mama, why is my name Rose?” The mommy cow replies, “Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born.” The next calf comes up and asks, “Mama, why is my name Lily?” The mother replies, “Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born.” The third baby comes up and asks, “Mama, why is my name Daisy?” The mama cow again replies "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, “Huh Ruh Buh Duh!” The mama cow says, “Shut up, Cinderblock!”

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GALLERY   . . .

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CORN CORNER . . .

I use the word 'beaucoup' when speaking with my French friends.

It means a lot to them.

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(One for Rosie . . . )

It's no wonder women love chocolate so much. Their pronouns give it away.

Her/she

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Why was 6 sad about the fact that 7 8 9?

Because 6 and 9 had a special relationship

4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed. – 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects.

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A blind guy goes to the Passover Seder and someone passes him a piece of matzah. He runs his fingers over it and loudly exclaims, “Who wrote this garbage!?!?”