Funny Friday

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Today is Funny Friday the 13th. 

A few days ago I posted a limerick and some haiku. Long term readers will know of my fondness for those literary forms so today some more of the same, interspersed with some other items. Enjoy. 

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Some haiku: 

The rule for today. 

Touch my tail, I shred your hand. 

New rule tomorrow. 

I met a man, Stan. 

His nature is Afghani. 

Yes! Afghanistan. 

Anyone can write 

a haiku - just stop at the 

seventeenth syllab 

Counting syllables 

seventeen is not enough 

eighteen would be bet 

A haiku about stepping on a lego . . .

fuck shit god dammit 

motherfucking shit ow ow 

fuck shit fuck fuck fuck 

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Some Worldf Cup items . . . 

An Englishman and a Frenchman are chatting in a bar. Englishman says, "We're playing Croatia on Wednesday." Frenchman replies, "What a coincidence, we're playing them on Sunday." 

Things that didn’t exist the last time England reached the semi-finals: 

iPhone 

Facebook 

Google 

Amazon 

Android 

Twitter 

Instagram 

iPod 

Yahoo 

YouTube 

Snapchat 

Spotify 

Tesla 

Skype 

Uber 

Airbnb 

Bitcoin 

Fitbit 

Emojis 

iPad 

and . . . 

Croatia!!! 

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Some limericks: 

There was a young woman named Alice 

Who peed in a Catholic chalice. 

She said, "I do this 

From a great need to piss, 

And not from sectarian malice." 

Alternative version . . . 

There was a young lady named Alice 

Who peed in a Catholic chalice. 

The padre agreed 

‘Twas done out of need, 

And not out of Protestant malice. 

A favourite limerick of my father in law, Noel . . .

A certain young sheik of Algiers 

Said to his harem, "My dears, 

You may think it odd of me, 

But I'm tired of sodomy; 

Tonight’s for you ladies." (Loud cheers!) 

There was a young lady from Bude, 

Who went for a swim in the lake. 

A man in a punt, 

Stuck a pole in her ear, 

And said “You can’t swim here, it’s private” 

(The Poms apparently pronouncer Menzies as “mingis”) 

A lively young damsel named Menzies 

Inquired: “Do you know what this thenzies?” 

Her aunt, with a gasp, 

Replied: “It’s a wasp, 

And you’re holding the end where the stenzies.” 

And one for the US readers . . . 

There was a young fellow from Boise 

Who at times was exceedingly noise; 

So his friends’ joy increased 

When he moved way back east 

To what people in Brooklyn call Joise 

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Gallery:

And one from Leo . . . 

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Corn Corner: 

One Saturday morning at three, 

A cheese monger's shop in Paree. 

Collapsed to the ground, 

With a thunderous sound, 

Leaving only a pile of de brie. 

A crossword compiler named Moss, 

Who found himself quite at a loss. 

When asked, Why so blue? 

Said, I haven’t a clue, 

I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across. 

The incredible Wizard of Oz, 

Retired from his business becoz. 

Due to up-to-date science, 

To most of his clients, 

He wasn't the Wizard he woz. 

A poem: 

Fly like a butterfly, 

Sting like a bee, 

I slept with yo mama, 

Now it burns when I pee.