Brett's Monthly and Steve's Wordplay

As usual, Brett B has sent me a list of the coming month's special days.  Thanks Brett.  Here is the list, click on the underlined ones to open the links . . .

August, 2018 Bizarre and Unique Holidays Month: Admit You're Happy Month Family Fun Month Dog Days of Summer - July 3 - August 11 International Clown Week - always August 1-7 National Catfish Month National Eye Exam Month National Golf Month Peach Month Romance Awareness Month Water Quality Month National Picnic Month Weekly Events: Week 1 National Simplify your Life Week Week 2 National Smile Week Week 3 Friendship Week Week 4 Be Kind to Humankind Week August, 2018 Daily Holidays, Special and Wacky Days: 1 National Girlfriends Day 1 National Mountain Climbing Day 1 National Raspberry Cream Pie Day 2 National Ice Cream Sandwich Day 3 Grab Some Nuts Day 3 International Beer Day - First Friday in August 3 National Watermelon Day 4 Campfire Day - First Saturday in August 4 International Hangover Day - First Saturday in August 4 National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day 4 U.S. Coast Guard Day 4 National Clown Day - Satuday during International Clown Week 4 National Mustard Day first Saturday 5 Friendship Day - First Sunday in August 5 International Forgiveness Day - First Sunday in August 5 National Underwear Day 5 Sisters Day - First Sunday in August 5 Work Like a Dog Day 6 Wiggle Your Toes Day 7 National Lighthouse Day 8 Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbor's Porch Day - now that's nasty! 9 Book Lover's Day 10 Lazy Day 10 National S'mores Day 11 Presidential Joke Day 11 Son and Daughter Day 12 Middle Child's Day 13 Left Hander's Day 14 National Creamsicle Day 14/15 V-J Day - which date do you celebrate as the end of WWII? 15 Relaxation Day - now this one's for me! 16 National Tell a Joke Day 17 Chinese Valentine's Day/Daughter's Day - 7th day of 7th Lunar Month 17 National Thriftshop Day 18 Bad Poetry Day 18 National Honey Bee Awareness Day - Third Saturday 19 Aviation Day 19 National Potato Day 20 National Radio Day 20 World Mosquito Day 21 National Spumoni Day 21 Senior Citizen's Day 22 Be an Angel Day 22 National Tooth Fairy Day - and/or February 28 23 Ride the Wind Day 24 Vesuvius Day 25 Kiss and Make Up Day 26 National Dog Day 26 Women's Equality Day 27 Global Forgiveness Day 27 Just Because Day 28 Race Your Mouse Day -but we are not sure what kind of "mouse" 29 More Herbs, Less Salt Day 30 Frankenstein Day 30 Toasted Marshmallow Day 31 National Eat Outside Day 31 National Trail Mix Day

And a word from Steve M . . . 

Morning Otto,

Have you ever done a segment on Lexophiles?

"Lexophile" describes those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish," or "To write with a broken pencil is pointless."

There is an annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.

This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.

  

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can't put it down.

I didn't like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I changed my iPad's name to Titanic.  It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married.  They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?  He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.  That's the point of it.

. . . and the winner is:

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

Thanks Steve. 😃