Funny Friday

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The last Funny Friday of the year with 2018 only a few days away, no prizes for guessing the theme today . . .

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A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. 

New Years Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper. 

If you were born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a bang! 

I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have. 

People treat New Year's like some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it's probably still going to suck on New Year's Day.

Dear Luck, .....can we be friends in 2018? Please? 

In 2018 . .

May your neighbors respect you;

Troubles neglect you;

Angels protect you; and 

Heaven accept you. 

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions. 

Dear God, 

My prayer for 2018 is a FAT bank account and a THIN body. 

Please don't mix it up like you did this year. 

Remember you can reset your resolutions on January 14th (Orthodox New Year) and February 16th (Chinese New Year). After that, even I can't help you. 

Many things can be preserved in alcohol this New Years Eve. 

DIGNITY is not one of them. 

My New Year’s resolution is to break my New Years ‘resolutions....that way I succeed at something! 

Keep the smile, 

Leave the tear, 

Hold the laugh, 

Leave the pain, 

Think of joy, 

Forget the fear. 

Be joyous, cause 

It's a New Year. 

On New Year Eve, you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year. 

My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.

My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on on my TV.

My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are.

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

I return to work tomorrow with a child-like belief that 2018 is the year people will think at least twice before hitting Reply All.

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