Punny Friday

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Something different for today’s Funny Friday: a lot of quick jokes and a lot of puns for Corn Corner. Indeed, some might say that the entire post today is one large Corn Corner and they would probably be right. So sit back and enjoy. 

Sherman, switch on the groan meter . . . 

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Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.

At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.

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Of course I should clean my windows. But privacy is important too.

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Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing! 

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

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Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”

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I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail. I sent it right back – way too expensive and really bad quality.

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When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbours can see there's no domestic violence going on.

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Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, "Frankie’s been crying the whole way home. Is he sick or something?" 

"No," replies the wife, "he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our Frankie."

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Do you know how they make holy water? They boil the hell out of it!

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How can they call it "Alcoholics Anonymous" when the first thing you do is you stand up and say, 

‘My name is John and I am an alcoholic’?

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Most of the time, when you cry, nobody notices the tears you shed. Most of the time, when you're facing trouble, nobody feels your pain. But try farting in public just one time!

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A woman is at the doctor's after her husband’s check-up. 

The doctor looks serious and says, “Mrs Connelly, your husband is very sick. He needs to rest and not get upset. I will prescribe some sleeping pills.”

“Ok,” nods Mrs Connelly, “and how often should he take those?”

“They’re not for him, Mrs Connelly, they’re for you.”

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A boy is sitting on a bus and eating one piece of chocolate after the other. A man sits down next to him and says: “Eating so much chocolate is not healthy for you boy.” 

The boy replies: “My grandfather died when he was 112 years old.” 

The man asks: “You think he became so old because he was eating lots of chocolate?” 

The boy answers: “He became so old because he minded his own business.”

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I found my wife hanging from a rope in the attic.

There was a note saying, "I really can't stand your criticsm any longer!"

I quickly cut the rope and reanimated her. Thankfully I could bring her back to life. 

As she lay in my arms I could see her eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."

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Corn Corner . . . 

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A Spanish magician has a grand magical show and at the end he says he will disappear after counting to three. He starts to count, “Un, dos…”

Kazaam! He vanished without a tres.

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A guy was admitted to hospital with 8 plastic horses in his stomach.

His condition is now stable.

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A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, “Let me give you some cream to put on it.”

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Jokes about PMS are NOT funny. Period.

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You’re becoming a vegetarian? I think that’s a big missed steak.

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What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help?

Lemon aid.

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A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.

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A gallery of puns . . .