Some Profound Thoughts

I was wondering what to post today when Leo’s contribution arrived.  Some of his profound thoughts have been posted in Bytes before but I am not culling them, I am posting them as they arrived.  Thanks, Leo.

♦ Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

♦ I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

♦ I find it ironic that the colours red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

♦ A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.

♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

♦ Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.

♦ You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

♦ I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “ Sag Harbor ”

♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

♦ My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

♦ Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

♦The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

♦ I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!