Limericks

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It’s been a while since we had some limericks.

Here are some for your amusement, but mind, some are risqué.
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There was a young lady of Norway
Who hung by her toes in a doorway.
She said to her beau
"Just look at me, Joe,
I think I've discovered one more way."
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There once was a man from Devizes,
Who had balls of two different sizes.
One ball was small
And of no use at all,
The other so large it won prizes.

(Devizes is a town in Wiltshire.)
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At the bar in the old inn at Leicester
Was a beautiful barmaid named Heicester.
She gave to each guest
Only what was the buest,
And they all, with one accord, bleicester.

(Leicester is pronounced Lester).
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There was a young poet in Wemyss,
Who cried “O, how awful it semyss,
When asleep late at night.
Lovely poetry to wright,
And awakening find it's but dreymss!"

(Wemyss is a town in Scotland and is pronounced Weems).
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It's time to make love, douse the glim;
The fireflies twinkle and dim;
The stars lean together
Like birds of a feather,
And the loin lies down with the limb.

(A glim is an archaic word for lantern or candle).
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The fabulous Wizard of Oz
Retired from business becoz,
Due to up-to-date science,
To most of his clients
He wasn't the Wiz that he woz.
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A right-handed fellow named Wright,
In writing "write", always wrote "rite"
Where he meant to write right.
If he'd written "write" right
Wright would not have wrought rot writing "rite".
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Said a boy to his teacher one day,
"Wright has not written 'rite' right, I say!"
And the teacher replied
As the error she eyed:
"Right-Wright, write 'rite' right, right away!"
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Posted previously but such a masterpiece of ribald rhyming that it deserves another outing:

A loving young couple from Aberystyth
United the things that they kystwyth.
But as they grew older
They also grew bolder
And united the things that they pystwyth.