Funny Friday

No, it’s not a mistake, the ear of corn being at the top instead of at the end.

The whole of today’s Funny Friday is a Corn Corner. You think you’ve groaned in the past, wait until you read today’s collection of head slappers . . . 

__________________________________

There are two types of people in the world.

Those who extrapolate from incomplete data

__________________________________

A Higgs Boson walks into a church. 

The priest says we don't allow Higgs Bosons in here. 

The Higgs Boson says “But without me, how can you have mass?”

__________________________________

Teacher asks student: What is the half of 8? 

Student: Miss, horizontally or vertically? 

Teacher: What do mean? 

Student: Horizontally it is 0 and vertically it is 3.

__________________________________

A lawyer, an engineer and a mathematician were called in for a test. 

The engineer went in first and was asked, "What is 2+2?" 

The engineer thought awhile and finally answered, "4." 

Then the mathematician was called in and was asked the same question. 

With little thought he replied, "4.0" 

Then the lawyer was called in, and was asked the same question. 

The lawyer answered even quicker than the mathematician, 

"What do you want it to be?"

__________________________________

The teacher asks Johnny if he knows his numbers. 

"Yes," he says. "My daddy taught me." 

"Can you tell me what comes after three?" 

"Four," answers Johnny. 

"What comes after six?" 

"Seven," answers Johnny. 

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a very fine job.”

“What comes after ten?" 

"A jack," answers Johnny.

__________________________________

A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.

Suddenly, a deer appears 20 metres away.

The biologist shoots and hits the tree 2 metres to the left.

The chemist shoots and hits the tree 2 metres to the right.

The statistician jumps up and down, yelling "We got him! We got him!"

__________________________________

A C, an E-flat and a G walk into a bar. 

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors."

__________________________________

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

__________________________________

Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey Tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

__________________________________

Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes but no lighters or matches or anything to light them with. What do they do?

Throw one cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter

__________________________________

A weed scientist goes into a shop.

Scientist: “Hey, you got any of that inhibitor of 3-phosphoshikimate-carboxyvinyl transferase?

Shopkeeper: “You mean Roundup?”

Scientist: “Yeah, that’s it. I can never remember that dang name.”

__________________________________