Funny Friday

It’s Friday again and, as I continue to come to grips with the operation of my Apple Mac, it’s time for some Friday humour.

Today has some observations and humour about men, much of it from a female perspective.

Enjoy.

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How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?

All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?

Any place without a drive-up window.

What do men and mascara have in common?

They both run at the first sign of emotion.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?

His wife is good at picking out clothes.

What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?

Big Foot's been spotted a several times.

What's the smartest thing a man can say?

"My wife says..."

What's the quickest way to a man's heart?

Straight through the rib cage.

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?

So men can understand them.

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A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is." 

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. 

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son... "Go get your Mother."

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Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place.

First guy: “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: “That’s nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: “Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish when they realised that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him: "What did you have to do to be able to come fishing? What’s the deal?"

Fourth guy: “Nothing. I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, 'Fishing or sex?' and she said, 'Don’t forget to take sunblock.' "

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A man dies, and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and starts talking to them.

"You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money."

Then she whispers, "You know that blow job I promised you? Well, here it comes."

Corn Corner: