---- 😊😊😊 -----
Enjoy readers, have a pleasant weekend.
---- 😊😊😊 -----
SOME HUMOUR:
__________
A waiter walks up to a man and asks "Sir, are you ready to order?"
Man: "I am, but my wife is in the bathroom."
Waiter: "Well do you know what she's having?"
Man: "It's been 10 minutes so probably a number 2."
__________
A waiter takes an order from a customer who asks for half a Caesar salad.
The waiter says "Well, we have a small and a large, would you like the small?"
The customer says, "No, I don't want a small or a large. I want HALF a Caesar salad. Why is that so hard?"
The waiter says "Ok.... let me go check with the chef." The waiter walks off toward the kitchen, but he doesn't see that the customer has gotten up from his table and is following right behind him.
The waiter gets to the kitchen, and says to the chef, "Some asshole jerk weirdo out there wants me to get him HALF a Caesar salad..." and he jerks his thumb toward the dining room, and in so doing, he sees the customer standing right behind him.
"And this fine gentleman would like the other half."
__________
A waiter walks up to a table full of Jewish women dining and says "ladies, is anything ok?"
__________
Sat down in a restaurant to eat dinner last night, and the waiter asked if I'd like to hear today's special.
I said yeah.
He said, today is special.
I said, I can appreciate a good dad joke, but can you tell me about the menu please.
The waiter slammed his notebook down on the table and said ‘Sir, the men I please is my own private business.’
__________
My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer
Wait. Never mind. That wasn’t my waiter.
__________
I can’t believe the nerve…
An old friend of mine just finished serving several years in prison for fraud, and as soon as he got out he started trying to get me to invest in some new business venture.
Clearly he never learned his lesson: you should NEVER end a sentence with a proposition.
__________
An old woman is sitting at home one afternoon when the doorbell rings.
She opens the door and sees a man with a collecting tin and a name badge. "Good afternoon, madam," he says. "I am collecting for the Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band Instrumental Purchase and Repair Fund. May I ask you for a small donation?"
"Eh?" says the old lady.
The man repeats, "Good afternoon. I am collecting for the Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band Instrumental Purchase and Repair Fund. May I ask you for a small donation?"
"Eh?" says the old lady, and seems to fiddle with her hearing aid.
The man smiles patiently and says "Good afternoon. I am collecting for the Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band Instrumental Purchase and Repair Fund. May I ask you for a small donation?"
"Eh?" she says again.
"Good afternoon..." the man begins, then sighs and spins on his heel, muttering "Screw her anyway, the deaf old bitch!"
"Yes," says the old lady, "and screw your Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band Instrumental Purchase and Repair Fund!"
---- 😊😊😊 -----
__________
#1:
Last night, I went with some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the waiter brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around I saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired a consulting firm to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."
I was impressed!
Later I noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant... That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can also save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the end of our "you know what," we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."
"Hhmmm...After you get it out, how do you put it back?" I asked.
"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others... but I use my spoon."
__________
#2:
Two chemists went to dinner together.
After they ordered, one of them told the waiter: "A cup of H2O, please."
The other chemist told the waiter: "H2O, too."
He gulped down his drink and then he died.
(H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide).
In a similar vein:
My favourite teacher took a drink but he will drink no more,
For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
(Sulfuric acid).
---- 😊😊😊 -----
LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
Sure, I dine at the best spot in Cork,
On the best of pig’s head and of pork,
I eat spuds and boiled eggs,
And turkey-cocks legs,
And I don’t have to use knife or fork !
---- 😊😊😊 -----
GALLERY:
---- 😊😊😊 -----
CORN CORNER:
__________
The sweet thing my wife says every time after sex:
Happy Birthday!
__________
People say being a waiter is a bad job...
... but, hey, it puts food on the table.
__________
The waiter came to my table and asked "Do you wanna box for your leftovers?"
So I knocked his arse out with a left hook.
__________
At a restaurant a waiter comes over and asks a man "Comfortable sir?"
"No no, comforfood"
__________
What do you call a hippies' wife?
Mississippi
---- 😊😊😊 -----
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.