FUNNY (GOOD) FRIDAY

---- 😊😊😊 -----

Hello Byters and readers.

Some Easter humour today, hopefully no one will be offended, there is nothing in the following that, I believe, is offensive.

Enjoy.

---- 😊😊😊 -----

SOME HUMOUR:

__________

Jesus was born on Christmas, died on Good Friday and rose on Easter.

What are the odds?!?!

__________

Some comments by people in response to the above on the website where it was posted:

You think that's something?

Lou Gehrig died of Lou Gehrig's disease.

Ok but who is buried in Grant's tomb?

I told my wife that I have the same birthday as Adolf Hitler.

She said, "It's crazy to think that such a loathsome figure, who ruined the lives of so many people, shares the same birthday as Adolf Hitler."

I often stop and wonder at Fate’s peculiar ways, how almost all our famous men were born on holidays.

Easter was cancelled today - cops finally found the body.

__________

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

__________

A rooster wakes up early Easter Sunday morning. He sticks his head out of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicoloured eggs all over the barnyard. He takes a look at the eggs, takes a look at the hens, takes another look at the eggs, takes one more look at the hens, he thinks about it for a minute, then he walks across the barnyard and kicks the shit out of the peacock.

__________

A man was the only Protestant in a large Catholic neighbourhood. Every Friday during Lent, while his neighbours were eating cold fish, he was in his backyard grilling a steak.

They couldn't stand the temptation. So, they decided to try to convert him to Catholicism. He finally agreed.

A priest came over, sprinkled water on his head, said “You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist. Now you're a Catholic.”

The next year, on the first Friday of Lent they smelled the same smell.

They rushed to his house. He was in his backyard sprinkling water over his steak saying “You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, but now you're a fish.”

__________

Why don’t the circus lions eat the clowns?

Because they taste funny!

__________

Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer

One says "Does this taste funny to you?"

The other responds "No".

---- 😊😊😊 -----

A teacher asks the Easter Sunday School "Why do we celebrate Easter?" Hands go up. "Emily!"

"Easter is when the three wise men came to give baby Jesus gifts" "No, Emily, that is Christmas."

"Who else knows? Bobby! " "Easter is when Jesus gave the loaves and fishes to feed the big crowd."

"No, that is a miracle Bobby." "Who can tell us why we celebrate Easter? Amanda!"

"Easter is the time of year when they put Jesus on a cross and he died and they put him in a tomb."

"Yes! Very good, Amanda!"

"And if Jesus comes out of his tomb and sees his shadow, then we will get six more weeks of winter!"

---- 😊😊😊 -----

LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

When Dick met a young lady from Clare,

He was the first one to get there.

She said “Copulation

Can result in gestation,

But gosh, now you’re there, I don’t care.’

---- 😊😊😊 -----

GALLERY:

---- 😊😊😊 -----

CORN CORNER:

__________

What do you call it when a German supermarket is all out of sausage and cheese?

A Wurst Käse scenario!

__________

A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.

But he still has the right to remain silent.

__________

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.

"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

A girl raised her hand and asked "To draw out all his savings?"