FUNNY FRIDAY

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After the post about health, some smiles are in order . . . but there is a little risque contemt ahead.

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SOME HUMOUR:

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An ecologist is giving a speech and says, "If we continue on our current course all life on earth will be gone in 50 years." A man in the audience stands up and hysterically asks, "What?! What did you say?!"

He repeats, "If humanity stays on its current course every living thing on earth will be gone in 50 years."

The man is relieved and sits down saying, "Whew. I thought you said FIFTEEN years."

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Kanye West was hospitalized... Our thoughts and prayers go out to the hospital staff at this difficult time.

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I’m in the hospital. Everyone should know… The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name.

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If you could have a beautiful night out with your partner, or a round of golf with your mates, followed by a couple of beers and a curry, what would you choose?

A rogan josh, chicken tikka masala, a vindaloo, or a korma?

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A man was admitted to hospital after swallowing 6 plastic horses. His condition has been described as stable.

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Three new fathers, an Englishman, a Welshman and an Indian are looking at their newborn babies cribs in hospital.

All three babies are side by side and the fathers are congratulating each other on their new arrivals.

Just then, a nurse enters the room, looking quite flustered.

"I'm sorry" says the nurse " but we've lost the paperwork, and can't tell you whose baby is whose!"

The three fathers look at each other, and agree that the only possible solution to avoid embarrassing the hospital is to just choose a baby, take it home and make sure it is loved as any child should be.

The Englishman steps forward and exclaims, "I would like to choose first"

The other two fathers roll their eyes, but agree.

The Englishman walks to the thee babies, and without any hesitation, picks up, what is quite obviously, the Indian man's child.

As the Englishman goes to leave, he catches the eye of the Indian and says "Sorry mate, but one of those two babies back there is Welsh, and I can't take that risk."

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A man is walking through his local mall and notices a Mexican book store.

He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before. He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"

The clerk replies, "Fuck you, get out, stay out!" The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one!"

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One day Adam and Eve notice God standing before them, holding a bag.

"Hi, God. What's in the bag?" asked Eve.

"These are a couple of things that were left over from creation that I thought you two would be interested in." God rummages around in the bag a moment. "Okay who wants to be able to pee standing up?"

Adam immediately puts his hand up in the air, waving frantically. "Me! Me! Me! Oh, oh, PLEASE, God, let me have it! Just think of how much more work I could get done in the fields if I could pee standing up! And it would help so much when I'm out hunting! Oh, please, please, please let me have it!"

"Well, all right," says God. "Now, let's see what we have for you, Eve." God rummages about a bit more in the bag.

"Ah, right. Multiple orgasms."

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

They've buried a salesman named Phipps

Who married on one of his trips

A widow named Block,

Then died of the shock

When he found there were five little chips.

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GALLERY:

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CORN CORNER:

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Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.

I was like well damn.

Reader comments:

I said the girlfriend's ankles, she was not amused.

Pint mug of beer, bladder

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What weighs more, a gallon of water, or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.

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Roman soldier says, "We lost a man and now number only 99". His centurion replies, "I see". The soldier responds...

"No, XCIX"

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