FUNNY FRIDAY

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As we approach Christmas and the end of the year, things become more hectic, more stressful, and the need for some lightness of being bcomes more pronounced. And here it is . . .  Funny Friday.

I had occasion to have dental work this week, my dentist, Fadi, is a great guy. (The jokes below are in no way a reflection on Fadi).

So today's post has as its theme FFFF . . .  Funy Friday Fadi Funnies.

There is also a risuque warning.

Enjoy, readers.

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SOME HUMOUR:

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I went to see a dentist.

After examining my mouth: "There's something wrong with your taste bud."

"What is it?" I asked.

He said, "Well, for a first, those shoes are fucking hideous."

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Kim was so overworked that he had a breakdown and was sent to a mental hospital.

After a month, his supervisor visited him and said, “Well, Kim, you’re looking fine and the doctors say you are doing very well. Are you about ready to return to work?”

Kim said, “I get three square meals a day here and plenty of time to eat. Then I can go stroll in the garden. I sleep eight hours every night. If you think I’m going back to that cubicle, you must think I’m crazy!”

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A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled The dentist pulls out the novocaine freezing needle to inject the man. “No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!”

The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.

“No,” the patient says, “I am fine with pills.”

The dentist then returns and says, “Here is a Viagra tablet.”

The patient says, “Wow – I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain pill.!”

“It doesn’t,” said the dentist and continued:

“But it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth.”

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An African diplomat at the UN was having a hard time adapting to New Yorkers’ habitual rudeness, because he was accustomed to traditional courtesy in his home.

One day he approached a well-dressed woman and said, “Pardon me, madam. Can you give me directions to the Guggenheim Museum, or shall I just go fuck myself?”

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A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.

The man said to the dentist,

“Doctor, I'm in a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anaesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. I don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!”

The dentist thought to himself,

“My goodness--this sure is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain.”

So the dentist asked him,

“Which tooth is it, sir?”

The man turned to his wife and said,

"Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doctor which tooth hurts."

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A dentist in my town just got arrested for selling drugs!

It's amazing what secrets people can keep. I've been going to him for over ten years and I never knew he was a dentist!

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A graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar.

It was Queen and they were playing their first gig

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A motorist is driving past a mental hospital on a dark, moonless night when he gets a flat tyre.

As he begins to change the tyre, he notices that one of the patients is looking at him over the top of the fence whilst leaning his arms and chin on the fence.

Nervous, trying to work quickly, he jacks up the car, takes off the wheel, puts the wheel nuts into the hubcap on the ground and gets the spare tyre.

Whilst taking the spare tyre to the wheel, he steps on the hubcap, sending the wheel nuts clattering into a storm drain.

The mental patient is still watching him through the fence.

The motorist desperately looks into the storm drain but the wheel nuts are gone. He paces back and forth in the dark with the patient still watching him, trying to think of what to do.

Finally the patient says "Take one wheel nut off each of the other wheels and put them on this wheel and you’ll have three on each. That will get you home and tomorrow you can take it to your mechanic and get the missing wheel nuts replaced.”

"That's brilliant," says the motorist, "What's someone like you doing in an asylum?"

“I might be crazy,” replied the patient, “but I’m not stupid.”

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

The enjoyment of sex, although great,

Is in later years said to abate.

This well may be so,

I’m afraid I don’t know.

For I’m now only seventy-eight.

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GALLERY:

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CORN CORNER:

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My bride looked absolutely beautiful standing at the altar with a tear running down her cheek.

Apparently.

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I felt a bit fed up today so to cheer myself up I watched my wedding video backwards. I love the end bit where I take my ring off, go back down the aisle, jump in the car and leave.

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Today I learned that "I'm sorry" and "I apologise" are not the same thing...

...at a funeral.

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Me : "Doctor Doctor, I feel like a deck of cards"

Doctor : "Sit down, I'll deal with you later"

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If you are crossing the desert, be sure to take a deck of cards with you. If you get lost or break down, just start dealing solitaire.

Before you're halfway through the first game, you will hear a voice behind you saying "Red nine on the black ten"...

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