Bytes: FUNNY FRIDAY

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Astute readers will note that I have reverted to the Funny Friday title. This is because people still refer to the segment as Funny Friday,so it will remain called that, even if I post it on Thursday.

A potpourri of Funny Friday humour today, folks, for your entertainment.

A word of caution, there is risqué content ahead.

By the way, ever wondered where the word potpourri, alternatively pot pourri, originated?

Usually referring to a mixture of dried petals and spices placed in a bowl to perfume a room, it has been extended to a mixture or medley of things.

From:

https://www.saturdayeveningpost.com/2020/08/in-a-word-when-potpourri-was-rotten/

Long ago, Spanish cooks developed a slow-cooked stew made of mixed meat and vegetables which they called olla podrida — that’s “rotten pot” in English. No one is entirely sure why that name was chosen; the leading theory is that the slow-cooking process mimicked decomposition.

At any rate, the stew must have been pretty scrumptious, because when the French got a taste of it, they started making it too, but they didn’t call it olla podrida. They translated the name of it literally, calling it pot pourri, French for “rotten pot.”

The mixed-meat stew pot pourri — along with its name (later pot-pourri and potpourri) — found its way to England in the early 17th century. For English diners, the salient feature of the stew (which one assumes smelled pretty good) was that it was a medley of meats — its putrid past falling by the wayside. By 1750, people were creating new medleys of good-smelling items — primarily dried flowers and spices — and calling it potpourri as well.

The word continued its trek into the metaphorical, and in 1855 we find the first use of potpourri to mean “a miscellaneous collection,” in that case a collection of music.

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SOME HUMOUR:

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When I heard they had a cure for dyslexia, it was like music to my arse.

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A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, flummoxed, speechless, perplexed, and gobsmacked.

Meanwhile, those waiting for the shipment were at a loss for words.

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A truck loaded with Vicks Vaporub overturned on the highway.

Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.

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My grief counsellor died this week but luckily he was so good I didn't give a shit.

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Why can’t a dyslexic tell a joke?

Because they always punch up the fuck line.

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To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person.

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Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

He lay awake all night wondering if there really was a dog.

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My new thesaurus is terrible.

In fact I'd go as far to say that it's terrible.

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A woman was married to a man who would make extremely loud and disgusting farts every morning as soon as he woke up. Every time he did so, the woman was disgusted and told him, "One of these days, you're going to fart your guts out!"

One morning the woman got up early to cook a turkey for a party they were hosting that night. As she looked down at the turkey's guts and entrails that she had just removed, she got a mischievous little idea...

The woman took the turkey entrails and guts and walked upstairs to her bedroom, where her husband was still sleeping. She carefully pulled down his shorts and placed the turkey guts inside them. She smiled and went back downstairs to finish her work.

A few minutes later, she heard her husband wake up with his usual "Sonic-Boom" fart, immediately followed by a blood-curdling scream. She laughed as she heard him run into the bathroom.

A short while later, he came down to the kitchen still panting from the scare. She tried to hold back a smile as she asked him what was the matter.

He replied: "Honey, you were right! You said one of these days I was gonna fart my guts out, and it happened! But, by the grace of God, some Vaseline and these two fingers I was able to get them back in."

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

The following limerick is by famous English poet, playwright, novelist, and critic Algernon Charles Swinburne (1837 – 1909). It has been posted in Bytes previously and one can see the talent of a true wordsmith at work in its composition. It is posed again because I came across a sequel.

First, the original:

There was a young girl of Aberystwyth

Who took grain to the mill to get grist with.

The miller’s son, Jack,

Laid her flat on her back,

And united the organs they pissed with.

The follow-up:

Remember those two of Aberystwyth

Who connected the things that they pissed with?

She sat on his lap

But they both had the clap

And they cursed with the things that they kissed with.

By the way, have you ever wondered at the origin of the slang term ‘clap’ for a venereal disease, typically gonorrhea?

Here are some explanations, reprinted from K Health at:

https://khealth.com/learn/std/why-is-gonorrhea-called-the-clap/

A popular theory is that the term was coined from the French word, clapier, meaning brothel. In the 1500s, this word referred to a rabbit’s nest; due to the active sex lives of rabbits, the name was picked up as a slang term for brothels, a place where people engaged in regular sex and could spread the disease easily.

If you had the disease, you had “clapier bubo.” This was eventually shortened to “clap.”

Another theory suggests that the infection got its name in the days before antibiotics, when men would treat gonorrhea by slapping their penis against a board or clapping it between two hands to force out infected discharge.

There are also some etymologists who believe the term originated from an old English word, “clappan”, which means “beating or throbbing.”

In this theory, “the clap” could have originated from the symptoms caused by gonorrhea, like painful urination, and throbbing pain in the genitals.

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GALLERY: