SOME PUNNY ITEMS . . .

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The following pun items were sent to me by John P.

Thanks, John (I think).

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“A man who would make a pun, would pick a pocket.”

- Samuel Johnson

“Puns are the highest form of literature.”

― Alfred Hitchcock

“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but the highest form of intelligence.”

― Oscar Wilde

I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behaviour.

John Oliver

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“You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.”

- Dorothy Parker, on being challenged to put the word “horticulture” in a sentence and make it funny

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Some more puns, some have been in Bytes previousy . . . 

"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”

Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen

When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any

My dad farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels

England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care

What is the richest country in the world? Ireland, becuase its capital is always Dublin.

Doctor: “Sir, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards.” Me: “And?”

eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and it gave me 13,749 matches.

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got my shelf to blame.

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket… you can hide but you can’t run.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

The last thing grandpa said before he kicked the bucket? “How far do you think I can kick this bucket?”