Bytes: FUNNY FRIDAY

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It’s so nice to know that posts are going out again each day, thanks to people who emailed me to check on my health and wellbeing.

Today there are some barber and hairdresser jokes, arising from the fact that I came across the below joke first up.

Enjoy it and the rest readers, we are now on the road to Christmas.

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SOME HUMOUR:

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A guy went to a barber’s shop for a shave...

The barber asked him to put a small wooden ball in his mouth so he could get a closer shave around his cheeks.

He asked: “But what if I swallow the ball?”

He replied: “No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.”

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I told my hairdresser I wanted my hair cut like Tom Cruise...

...so they gave me 2 cushions to sit on.

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A circus performer is late to his next gig

Driving as fast as he can, he is soon pulled over by the police. The cop asks for his license, registration, and proof of insurance, and then asks him where he was going so fast.

"Well, officer, I'm a circus performer, and I'm headed to Springfield to do my juggling act, and I'm late."

The officer looks at him and says "Juggling act, huh? Circus, eh? Well I happen to really love the circus, and I'm just at the end of my shift, so if you do your act for me, I'll let you off with a warning."

"Absolutely, officer." So the performer gets out his gear, and starts juggling bowling pins. The cop is smiling now. The performer gets out his unicycle, and starts juggling while riding the unicycle. The cop is laughing and clapping. The performer puts away the bowling pins and gets out his pyro sticks and lights them on fire, and is juggling them while still on his unicycle.

Just then, a car drives past, then slams on its brakes. The car backs up to just in front of the performers car, the driver gets out, and walks back to the police car, opens the back door, and gets in.

The cop goes to investigate. "Sir, what are you doing in the back seat of my car?"

"Well," the man says, "I'm drunk, and if that's the new sobriety test, I give up."

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A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.

"Ah...." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children."

"That's what you think", the man laughed. "I'm the father of THREE children."

The woman looked st him and said, "That's what YOU think!"

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FROM THE VAULT:

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on us hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the owner's suite at no extra charge!".

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if we’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet us. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"

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