FROM STEVE . . .

READER CONTRIBUTION: APHORISMS

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The following item was sent to me by Steve M.

Thanks, Steve.

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APHORISMS

An aphorism is a statement of truth or opinion expressed in a concise and witty manner.

I find it ironic that the colours red, white and blue stand for freedom.....

until they are flashing behind you.

When wearing a bikini women reveal 90% of their bodies.....

Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

Relationships are a lot like algebra.

Have you ever looked at your X.....

and wondered Y?

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone?

That's just your common sense leaving your body.

My therapist just rang and said....

“You have a preoccupation with vengeance.” I thought to myself....

“We'll see about that!”

I think my neighbour is stalking me as he's been Googling my name on his computer.

He’d better be careful....

I was looking at him through my telescope last night.

Money talks ..

but all mine ever says is good-bye.

You're not fat......

you're just easier to see.

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of bank payments.

I always wondered what the job application form is like at a strip joint.

Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?”

Money can’t buy happiness.....

but it keeps the kids in touch.

A famous Mark Twain quote.....

"Diapers and politicians should be changed often......

and for the same reason."

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And some more . . .

How does an aphorism differ from adage or proverb? There aren’t that many differences but one key difference is that aphorisms are usually shorter.

For instance, there is a proverb “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.”

There is a briefer aphorism which says much the same: “The early bird gets the worm.”

(There is a variation that says “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”)

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Some additional aphorisms:

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

Stroke a cat and you will have a permanent job.

There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m – for example, it could be the right number.

No one ever says “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.

I’ve reached the age where ‘happy hour’ is a nap.

Be careful about reading the fine print – there’s no way you’re going to like it.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

After 60, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you’re probably dead.

Life isn’t tied with a bow but it’s still a gift.

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