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Enjoy the funnies and enjoy the weekend, Byters . . .
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SOME HUMOUR:
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I finally figured out what’s wrong with my brain...
On the left side, there is nothing right.
On the right side, there is nothing left.
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Lady buys a beautiful parrot from a whorehouse...
The owner warned her that even though it was very pretty, sometimes it had a dirty mouth so don’t have it around kids. She says all her kids are grown so she takes the parrot home and after a while her two daughters come home.
"GAAAWK, New whore Tuesdays! New whore Tuesdays !" They think it's hysterical and have a good laugh about it. "OMG girls I can’t wait for your father to meet him. He's going to die !"
A few hours later the husband walks thru the door. The parrot gets super excited "GAAAAAAAAWK!! HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW WHORES THIS WEEK FRANK ?!?"
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A shepherd is tending to his flock when a man in a sports car pulls up.
The man is wearing a fancy suit and says, "My! What a large herd of sheep you have here! I would like to make a wager with you. If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have, you give me one of them."
The shepherd is intrigued and agrees.
The fancy man gets on his phone and makes some phone calls, pulls out a tablet and scrutinized satellite photos before announcing, "You have exactly 97 sheep!"
The shepherd sighs and nods, "You are correct."
The fancy man proudly grabs an animal and starts hauling it back to his car.
The shepherd calls out, "How about another bet? If I can tell you what you do for a living, you leave without my animal."
The fancy man snorts with derision and agrees, and the shepherd says without hesitating, "You're a consultant."
The man is shocked and asks, "How did you know?"
The shepherd replies, "You come here uninvited and tell me something I already know about a business you know nothing about. Now can I have my dog back?"
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A group of 40 year old buddies get together and discuss where they should meet for dinner.
After plenty of conversation, it is finally agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and are pretty.
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group once again discusses where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant has a beautiful view of the ocean.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they have never been there before.
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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
There was an old sculptor named Phidias
Whose knowledge of art was invidious.
He carved Aphrodite
Without any nightie---
Which startled the purely fastidious.
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GALLERY:
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RELIGION SPOT:
An airliner flew into a violent thunderstorm and was soon swaying and bumping in the sky.
One very nervous lady happened to be sitting next to a clergyman and turned to him for comfort. “Can’t you do something?” she demanded. “I’m sorry, ma’am,” said the reverend gently. “I’m in sales, not management.”
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CORN CORNER:
A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
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For those of you with feelings of paranoia that you are being watched:
I want you to know that you are not alone.
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Why do farts smell?
For the benefit of the deaf...
-----oOo-----
79% of people don’t know opposite words for the following:
Always
Coming
From
Take
Me
Down
(You have been Rick rolled).
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Funny Friday
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SOME HUMOUR:
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FROM THE VAULT:
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LAW & LAWYERS
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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
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GALLERY:
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RELIGION SPOT:
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CORN CORNER:
What is the difference between a pop guitarist and a jazz guitarist?
A jazz guitarist plays 10,000 chords for 5 people, a pop guitarist plays 5 chords for 10,000 people.-------☹😊☹-------
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