READER CONTRIBUTIONS WEEK: VERY PUNNY

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PUN:

NOUN

a joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words which sound alike but have different meanings.

VERB

make a joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word.

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Byter David G sent me the list of puns which appear below.

I personally prefer a good limerick

As a word play it’s second to none,

Especially when it’s very well done,

Whether dirty or clean

And often obscene,

A limerick’s better fun than a pun.

(My contribution).

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Some thoughts on puns . . .

A pun is language on vacation.

— Christopher Morley

Puns are the highest form of literature.

— Alfred Hitchcock

The lowest and most groveling kind of Wit.

— John Dryden

Science has not yet found a cure for puns.

— Robert Byrne

A pun is the lowest form of humour, unless you thought of it yourself.

— Doug Larson

A man who could make so vile a pun would not scruple to pick a pocket.

— John Dennis

There is a persistent difference of opinion about puns, some finding them cottony in the mouth, and others doting on the taste of them.

— Max Eastman

Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead.

— Dave Barry

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Reader contribution by David G:

Puns For Educated Minds

(Some have been posted in Bytes previously)

Thanks David.

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still. (My version: She was only a Colonel’s daughter but she knew what Regiment).

A calculator was confiscated from an algebra class because it was a weapon of math instruction.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says,

'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?'  The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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