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Another Funny Friday, this time on April Fools Day.
Some topical Fools Day items throughout today’s post.
An example ;
April Fools Day is cancelled . . .
as no made up prank could match the unbelievable shit going on right now.
Some risque items ahead.
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SOME HUMOUR:
__________
Bill pulled up a stool at his favourite bar and announced. “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!”
The bartender inquired. “What makes you say that?”
Bill beamed with pride, “Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work..."
"Suzie was so thrilled to have me around, that every time a mail or delivery person came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”
__________
In honour of April Fools Day... just remember that today you need to be cautious of many tweets and news reports because most of them will be lies and simply there to try and trick you. Believe nothing, and trust no one.
Just treat it like it's any other day.
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A cowboy goes into town to buy a horse, and he walks up to the local horse dealer and asks him about the horses he has to offer.
The horse dealer is telling the cowboy about one of the horses when the cowboy begins to lose interest. Out of the corner of his eye, the cowboy’s spotted the most beautiful and majestic horse he’s ever seen.
As the horse dealer is talking about the horse in front of them, the cowboy interrupts him:
“Now, this is certainly a fine horse, sir, but how much for that horse over there?” he asks, pointing at the majestic horse on the other side of the stables.
“Ten dollars,” answers the horse dealer.
The cowboy is taken aback by this bargain rate. “This horse only costs $10? You’ve gotta be kidding me! I normally don’t haggle upwards when buying, but I would feel like a dishonest man if I bought this beautiful beast for just $10. It must be worth at least $100!”
The horse dealer says, “I said ten dollars. And you don’t want that horse.”
“Why not?”
“Well, he don’t look too good.”
Incredulous, the cowboy exclaims, “What do you mean!? ‘He don’t look too good?’ My good man, I have seen many a horse in my day, and I can most assuredly say that this horse here is, without a doubt, the most fit and beautiful horse I have ever seen in my entire life!”
“I tell you, sir, I know this horse, and he don’t look too good. Ten dollars is the most I’ll take for him.”
The cowboy pays the horse dealer $10, takes the horse, and goes on his way.
Later that day, the cowboy angrily returns with the horse.
“I wanna know the hell kinda place you’re running here,” the cowboy demands. “I went to ride on this horse I just bought from you, and he starts bumping into everything in his path! You, sir… You sold me a blind horse!”
The horse dealer replies, “I told you, he don’t look so good.”
__________
As an April Fools joke, I told my Significant Other that I was pregnant...
...sadly she didn't fall for it.
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A guy goes into a job interview and the interviewer is asking him the standard questions. The interviewer says "you've got a 4 year gap in your resume since your last job. Can you detail that for me?" The guy says “Sure! I went to Yale for 4 years." The interviewer says "remarkable! You're hired!" The guy replies,
"Oh thank goodness! I really need this yob."
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I have posted the following item a few times over the years but I always laugh on re-reading it. I believe that jokes are like songs, you don’t Have the hear them only once and not again . . .
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In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said "You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man. God, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."
Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three foot tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics.
I have researched the history of ...."
Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, the CO can find all that in your file.
Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to get fucked."
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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
There once was a freshman named Lin,
Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
A virgin named Joan
From a Bible belt home,
Said "This won't be much of a sin."
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GALLERY:
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VIDEO OF THE WEEK:
Music from the Titanic . . .
Turn up your volume for this one . . .
Click on the following link:
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=music+from+the+titanic+youtube+unchamuncha&view=detail&mid=7762AA63B6D4B2EEDA977762AA63B6D4B2EEDA97&FORM=VIRE
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CORN CORNER:
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Why did Will Smith use an open hand?
Because paper always beats Rock.
__________
Chris Rock has waited his entire life for this moment.
People are finally calling him the bigger man.
__________
Who is hosting next year’s Oscars?
Jerry Springer.
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