THE UNOFFICIAL RULES ABOUT LIVING IN AUSTRALIA

The Daily Mail posted an article about a Reddit site on The Unofficial Rules about Living in Australia.

You can read the article at:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-10576163/Rules-Australia-listed-Reddit-thread-Bunnings-slang-tong-clacking-goin.html

The Reddit site is at:

https://www.reddit.com/r/australia/comments/t4t6ym/ask_australia_what_are_the_unofficial_rules_of/

Here are some of those unofficial rules, a lot of which I can relate to:

You must clack the tongs at least twice before use

Saying 'she'll be right, mate' after a life-threatening situation

If someone lets you through in traffic you must thank them with 'the wave'

And if you let someone in and they don’t wave you say to yourself ‘yeah no worries’

You must tease New Zealanders. But if someone else does it, threaten them with violence if they say nasty things about our neighbours!

If overseas, Australians and New Zealanders always look out for each other

We will tell you what something isn't before we tell you what it is. How are you? Not bad Did that hurt? It didn't tickle Regarding something bad: it's not looking good

It is 100 per cent mandatory to bonk the nearest person on the head with the empty roll of wrapping paper

Saying 'yeah nah' for no and 'nah yeah' for yes

Can’t walk past a bag of soil at Bunnings without giving it a slap

Never put on shoes that have been outside without smashing them together and on the ground to shoo the spiders out

You must say thanks to the bus driver or cab/Uber driver as you get out

When people say 'How's it goin?' do NOT actually take this as an invitation to tell people how you are going

Leave the gate the same way you found it.

If a New Zealand band becomes successful we must claim them as our own immediately.

When tying something onto your car's roofracks or trailer, tug the rope a couple of times and say "that's not going anywhere".

Using the stud finder to find a stud in your home to hang something, but first holding it against your chest, looking at your missus and saying “found one”.

When asked to bring a plate, do not just bring a plate... A plate of food to share.

Can’t leave before your shout.

If you can shorten a word don’t waste everyone’s time with the full version

To help develop others cognitive abilities, never directly answer a question. Examples;

"How are you doing?" "Not bad "

"Where is it?" "Not far."

"How much is it?" "It's not cheap."

"What is the quality of this thing?" "Not too bad."

"What is the size of this thing?" "About yay big."

And so on.

Always shorten long names, and always lengthen short names. For example:

Australia = Oz;

McDonald's = Maccas;

Jonathan = Jonno;

Rob = Robbo;

etc.

When people say "How's it goin'" do NOT actually take this as an invitation to tell people how you are going.

“Good mate” and “not bad” are about as much as anyone should reply with.

Always raise you index finger and nod when you pass someone on a rural road. But not in the city.

If a kid has a Cadbury Fundraising Box you must purchase at the very least two chocolates from it.

If someone asks how you are, the answer is always ‘good’.

I thought you had terminal cancer

Nah, yeah , I’m good thanks

Never call someone buddy,,,,,,totally unAustralian.

Russell Crowe is Australian. Unless he screws up then he’s from New Zealand.

It’s pretty much illegal to not grab a fundraiser snag if you head to Bunnings on the weekend.

Election sausages are compulsory along with the voting

When telling a story, “the other day” could be anywhere from yesterday to about 5 years ago.

You bring a slab not a 6pack

If you see a yellow car you say spotto and give the nearest person a punch.

When someone says “thank you” the standard response should be either “no worries” or “too easy”. Only in formal situations is “you’re welcome” appropriate.

Australia is pronounced with 1.5 syllables, no more.

Straya

We don’t tip, we pay service staff award wages and o/t, at least that's how it was

Edit, we don't have to tip, but any shrapnel at the bar can go into the glass with cordial

If you get a cab on your own, you get in the front seat, not the back.

When someone shouts: Aussie Aussie Aussie, you must reply with Oi Oi Oi

“Bastard” is a term of affection. “A bit of a bastard” is the gravest insult known to exist.

In Sydney I was always taught that the left side of the escalator is for standing, and the right is for walking.

Correct usage of The Castle references:

If someone is talking about something they saw for sale, the correct response is "What's he askin’ for it?"

If someone buys you something, the correct response is "That’s goin’ straight to the pool room."

Always accompany the person cooking the BBQ. Never leave him alone or without a beer!

Always downplay everything.

heatwave? she's a bit warm today eh?

flooding? little bit damp ain't it?

sick as a dog? i'm a bit crook mate

Anybody whose name you don't know or remember is “old mate”.

Fairy bread must be made on plain white bread.

You must clean the BBQ with beer before throwing the goods on

You must know what ‘99.94’ refers to.

Flash your high beam to warn other drivers that there is a mobile speed camera ahead.