Bytes: FUNNY FRIDAY

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There is a saying, often misattributed as being of ancient Chinese origin, “May you live in interesting times.” There are various explanations as to its possible origins in England in the 1920s and 1930s but what is of greater interest is that whilst the adage sounds like a blessing, it is in fact a curse. The implication is that life is better in "uninteresting times" of peace and tranquility than in "interesting" ones, which are usually times of trouble.

It was in this context that Joseph Chamberlain, father of Brit PM Neville Chamberlain, used the expression in an 1898 speech (a possible origin for the later adage):

I think that you will all agree that we are living in most interesting times. (Hear, hear.) I never remember myself a time in which our history was so full, in which day by day brought us new objects of interest, and, let me say also, new objects for anxiety. (Hear, hear.)

We are living in interesting times: politics, COVID, lockdowns and restrictions, job losses and personal tragedies, an Olympics without spectators that is in danger of being cancelled . . .

If there was ever a time that we needed some humour and brightness, it is now.

Enjoy for a few minutes and take your mind off interesting times.

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SOME HUMOUR:

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On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.

A guy from Moscow says to his wife: "They are overreacting, I'll call my cousin who lives there, and he'll tell me the truth."

He calls his cousin and asks, "What's the weather like where you are?"

Cousin: "It's around -20C I would say."

Guy: "I knew the news was lying, they said it was -50C."

Cousin: "Oh, well, it might be outside."

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I asked my girlfriend to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy roleplaying fun.

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked.

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed.

"Fuck off" she shouted, "I haven't got dressed yet."

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Wind is blowing, rain is pouring, streets are flooding. Everyone's sure, this is the end times. But you know it's just a very bad tropical storm.

You grab your camera to take a career-defining photo. A picture that will elevate you in the world of journalism and get you a Pulitzer prize.

You turn to the corner of the 725th avenue and see Donald Trump struggling for his life in the ruins of what used to be Trump Tower. You have two option. Be the first to catch this, or save Donald Trump from sure death.

Now, answer me this. What would you do?

Will you choose a wide lens, or a telephoto lens?

(I have previously heard this put as a question for entry to news photographer school: If you have the choice between saving women and children from a sinking ferry or to take a Pulitzer prize winning photograph of it, what lens would you use?)

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An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge.

Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer. "How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly?" he asks. "99.97%," the engineer replies confidently.

The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around. "Guess I'm swimming then."

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A guy is delighted when he hears the carnival is in town. He heads over, and is having the time of his life on the hoop toss, on hook-a-duck, on the shooting range, you name it.

At one of the games he starts flirting with the pretty girl behind the counter, she flirts back a little, and before you know it, she’s inviting him back to her caravan.

He eagerly follows, and as he walks into her caravan, stripping his clothes off as he goes, he’s slightly concerned to see her bedroom is full of fluffy toys.

Fluffy bunnies on the bed, bears on the shelves, fluffy chickens on the windowsills, fluffy snakes on the dresser. Fluffy toys EVERYWHERE.

Still, she’s hot, so he carries on. After an hour of passionate and vigorous lovemaking, they both throw themselves onto the bed, exhausted.

“So”, he says, “how was it for you?”

She glances over and says…. “You can pick any one from the middle shelf.”

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