Byter Leo M
sent me some visual funnies by email during the week, some of them appearing
below. Others will be posted in the
coming weeks. Thanks Leo.
Some of his
funnies are about aging so that sets the theme for this week as well.
Now, where was
I?
------😊😊😊------
SOME HUMOUR . .
.
_____________________________
A 90 year-old
Jewish man is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his
head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah
says, "Yes, I am here."
He then says:
"Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?"
And they reply, "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your
last."
And he says:
"Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?" And they too tell
him that they are here.
So the old man
lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, "If everybody is here ...
why is the light on in the kitchen?"
_____________________________
Hey Nelly, does
the above remind you of anyone we know?
See you tonight.
_____________________________
Morris, an 82
year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor
saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A
couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really
doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied,
"Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor
said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be
careful.'"
_____________________________
I've been told
I'm condescending.
(That means I
talk down to people).
That reminds me of Bob Newhart's quote:
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.
_____________________________
My girlfriend
left a note on the fridge saying, “This isn’t working. I am leaving, good bye.”
I opened up the
fridge and it seems to be working just fine...and she says I’m the stupid one?
_____________________________
A well
respected doctor and his wife were having drinks during intermission in the lobby of the theatre
during the opening night of a musical. A blonde walked by
wearing a curve hugging low cut dress that highlighted her legs and figure.
She smiled and
gushed, "Well, hello there, Doc" and kept on going.
After a
moment's pause, the good doctor looked at his wife and said, "Don't worry
dear, that's just a young lady I know professionally."
Without missing
a beat, his wife asked, "Hers or yours?”
------😊😊😊------
FROM THE VAULT .
. .
_____________________________
Three old guys
are out walking. The first one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one
says, "No, it’s Thursday!"
Third one says,
"So am I. Let's go get a beer."
_____________________________
A group of old
friends discussed where they should meet for lunch for their reunion.
They were all
aged about 40.
Finally it was
agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the
waitresses there were pretty.
Ten years
later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for
lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant
because the food was good and the wine selection was excellent.
Ten years
later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was
agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could
dine in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.
Ten years
later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because
the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had an elevator.
Ten years
later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because
they had never been there before.
------😊😊😊------
LIMERICK OF THE
WEEK . . .
Archimedes,
that well-known truth-seeker,
Jumped out of
his bath with “Eureka!”
He ran half a
mile
Wearing only a smile
And became the
very first streaker.
One reason for
posting this is that the trivia team of which I am a member is named “Eureka”.
“Eureka” is our
current team name
When we play
the trivia game.
We’ve been Bumfuzzle,
4Q,
Pizzle, 4Q2,
Now named for Eureka
Stockade fame.
From the
National Museum of Australia website at:
On 30 November 1854 miners from the Victorian town of Ballarat, disgruntled with the way the colonial government had been administering the goldfields, swore allegiance to the Southern Cross flag at Bakery Hill and built a stockade at the nearby Eureka diggings.
“We swear by the Southern Cross to stand truly by each other, and fight to defend our rights and liberties.”- The oath taken by the rebels.
Early on the morning of Sunday 3 December, when the stockade was only lightly guarded, government troops attacked. At least 22 diggers and six soldiers were killed.
Eureka is a significant event in the development of Australia’s representational structures and attitudes towards democracy and egalitarianism.
Taking the oath at the Eureka Stockade before the Eureka flag.
Attack by the troops.
The Eureka flag, displaying the Southern Cross
What remains today of the Eureka flag
Showing tyhe size of the flag
------😊😊😊------
GALLERY . . .
------😊😊😊------
CORN CORNER:
_____________________________
A man walks
into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting
pet, what’s his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you
call him Tiny?”
"Because…He’s
my newt.”
_____________________________
A man walks
into a bar with his friend's newt on his shoulder.
The bartender
says "What an interesting pet, what do you call him?"
"Biggy"
the man replies.
"Aww, how
cute. Why do you call him that?"
"Because
he's not my newt..."
_____________________________
I used to have
a pet donkey. His name was Hotey. He was my Donkey Hotey.
_____________________________
I named my dog
“5 miles” so I could say “I walked 5 miles”.
But today, I
ran over 5 miles.
_____________________________
If life gives
you melons, you're probably dyslexic.
------😊😊😊------
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