Funny Friday

A reversal of the usual Funny Friday today, the bulk of the humour is corn with some non-corn at the end.  And none are risque.

Corn Corner:

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The public safety officer came up to a large mob of people outside a department store and asked, “What’s happening?”

A mall officer replied, “These people are waiting to get the new Barbie doll.”

The public safety officer shook his head and muttered, “Who can resist a Barbie queue?”

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My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violins.

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Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

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Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

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I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

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What does C.S. Lewis keep at the back of his wardrobe? Narnia business!

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Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.

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I put all my spare cash into an origami business. It folded.

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I suffer from kleptomania, but when it gets really bad, I take something for it.

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Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers? He’d stop at nothing to avoid them.

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Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

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So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.

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I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.

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Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.

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Q: What do you do when life gives you melons?

A: See a doctor, because you’re probably dyslexic.

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Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

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Gallery:

Non-corn Corner:

Well, maybe one risque one . . .

An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist. "A bit airy, isn't it?" remarked the American. Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly, " 'Ell, yes! What did you expect - feathers?"

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching an American street performer do some juggling. The juggler notices the four gentleman have a very poor view, so he stands up on a wooden crate and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes"

"Oui"

"Sí"

"Ja"

(Okay, I admit that I didn't get it either and had to google for an erxplanation. The joke is that the responses sound like "Yes, we see ya."