Funny Friday

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I was pondering the matter of books: paper v electronic, online v bookshops. I like books and do not read e books, just as I keep a paper diary rather than an electronic one. That contemplation provides the theme for today’s Funny Friday: Books, Libraries and Reading.

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The rewrite of a classic Divinyls song . . .

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“I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.”

- Woody Allen

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A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said: "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

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After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight," he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

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Remember this oldie? . . .

A librarian was working late one night at a small-town library. She had the door open for a breeze, and a chicken walked in, hopped up on the desk, and said, "Book, book, book!"

The librarian was a bit startled, but she quickly handed the chicken three books. The chicken put one under each wing, one in its beak, and walked out.

A few minutes later, the chicken returned, dropped those three books on the floor, hopped up on the counter, and said, "Book, book, book!"

Once again, the librarian gave the chicken three books, the chicken tucked one under each wing, took the third in its beak, and walked out.

It must be a full moon tonight, thought the librarian, getting back to her work. Of course, since everything in jokes comes in threes, the chicken came back. It dropped the books on the floor, hopped up, and said, "Book, book, book!"

This time, the librarian decided to get to the bottom of this. She gave three books to the chicken, and when it walked away, she followed it. They went across the parking lot, down into a ditch, and through a damp culvert. Good thing I wore my sensible shoes, she thought. They emerged into a little moonlit pool. There, the chicken stopped in front of the largest bullfrog the librarian had ever seen. He took one look at the books the chicken was carrying and croaked, "Read it, read it, read it!"

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A patron asked the librarian why Tales of Robin Hood had been withdrawn from the collection. The librarian replied, "Too much Saxon violence."

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Gallery:

The following couple of Sean Connery phonetic jokes are too good to pass up, even if not related to books . . .

More book humour . . . 

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Corn Corner:

My father gave me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday. 

I couldn't find the words to thank him.

Why did the Rumanian stop reading for the night?

To give his Bucharest.

What book is about a rodent pioneer?

“Little Mouse on the Prairie.”