Funny Friday

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Funny Friday

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Leaving my office and wondering what theme to use for Funny Friday, it occurred to me that “office” would be an appropriate one. So welcome to Funny Friday at the office . . .

Caution: some risqué content included.

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How is Christmas like your job? 

You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

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I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

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The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.

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My annual performance review says I lack “passion and intensity.” I guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.

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A repeat, an oldie but a goodie . . .

Bill was the manager of a big corporation’s office in the financial district. 

One day the president called him into his office. He told Bill that due to the recent downturn in the markets the company would have to make some cutbacks and either Jack or Susan would have to be laid off. Bill was distraught, he had worked with Jack and Susan for years, they were both great at their jobs, what could he do, how could he decide?

Bill looked at the company president and said “Both Jack and Susan are great workers and great people, how can I possibly decide who to fire?” The president was sympathetic to Bill’s dilemma. “I suggest you use a random decider…the first one that uses the water cooler in the morning should be the one you fire.” “OK, I guess that’s as good as any other method, I’ll do it,” replied Bill.

The next morning Bill waited for Jack and Susan to show up. Susan was the first arrival and after removing her coat walked straight to the water cooler. Bill’s decision had been made for him! He called Susan in to his office.

“Susan I have a terrible problem.” “Oh no! Can I help?” replied Susan. 

“Well you see, I’ve got to lay you or Jack off and I don’t know what to do?”

Susan replied: “Do you mind jacking off, I’ve got one hell of a hangover this morning.”

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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station . . .

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I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

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A man can do more than he thinks he can, but he usually does less than he thinks he does.

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It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose.

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The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

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The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

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Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

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A young executive is leaving the office late one evening, when he finds the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," says the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?"

"Sure," the young executive says.

He turns the machine on, inserts the paper, and presses the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" says the CEO as his paper disappears inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

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Gallery:

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Corn Corner:

Yes, I know that there is a lot of corn above but these are even cornier . . .

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I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

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I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!

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I got fired at work today.

My boss said my communication skills were awful.

I didn't know what to say to that.

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When I got to work this morning, my boss stormed up to me and said, "You missed work yesterday, didn't you?"

I said, "No, not particularly."

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