Funny Friday

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Okay, the picture says Happy Friday whereas this post is Funny Friday, but the message is similar.

Today, some Heavenly humour, plus a couple of ring ins. . . 

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An old lady was on a flight.  She was sitting beside a young businessman.

After the in-flight meal she took out her Holy Bible and starts her devotion.

The businessman glances at her and said.   Do you really believe that stuff in the  Bible is true?

"Well, yes, as a matter of fact I do," said the old lady. 

"Yeah, right..." the man scoffs, "like... what's that guy's name, the one who got  swallowed by a whale..."

"You mean Jonah?"

"Yeah, Jonah, I mean, how do you actually survive for 3 days in a fish's bowel?"

"I don't know," replied the old lady, "but I can ask him when I see him in Heaven  someday."

Feeling smart, the young man said: "Ok, but what if he's not in Heaven because he  went to Hell?"

"Then young man, you can ask him" replied the old lady calmly.

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The Pope arrives in Heaven, where St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is.

The Pope: "I am the Pope."

St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."

The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."

St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."

The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."

St. Peter: "The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."

St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.

St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth."

God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of ... Wait, I'll ask  Jesus." (yells for Jesus)

Jesus: "Yes father, what's up?"

God and St. Peter explain the situation.

Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow."

Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing.

Jesus: "Remember that fishing club I started 2000 years ago? It still exists!"

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40 lawyers showed up at the pearly gates, asking for admission. St. Peter had never seen 40 lawyers at the same time, and didn't know quite what to do. 

"Wait here," he said, "I have to go consult." 

He hurried to the Throne. "Lord," he said, "There are 40 lawyers standing at the pearly gates. What do I do?" God said, "True, it is an unusual situation. But just give them the standard morality test, and admit the five highest scores." St. Peter headed back to his post. 

A minute later, he came running back to the Throne. "They're gone! They're gone!" he shouted. 

"Do you mean to say all 40 of them just up and left?" God asked. 

"No, no!" said Peter. "It's the pearly gates! They're gone! They're gone!" 

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A rich man knew he would die soon, but he hated to leave his hard-earned riches behind. So he had all his assets converted to gold bars, put them in a big bag on his bed, draped his body over the bag of gold, and breathed his last. Next we see him at the gate of Heaven. St. Peter says (very surprised), "Wow! You managed to get here with something from earth! Let's see what you brought." He opened the bag, looked inside, then looked quizzically at the man. "You brought...pavement?!"

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Gallery:

And a couple on a religious theme, although not about Heaven . . .

Plus one sent to me by John F . . .

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Corn Corner:

A reporter went to heaven and saw two long lines. Over one line was a sign which read "For Men Who Were Dominated By Their Wives." The other line had a sign over the doorway which read, "For Men Who Dominated Their Wives," but there was only one man in that line. 

Being a reporter, he went up to the man all by himself and said, "Sir, could you tell me why you're the only man in this line for "Men Who Dominated Their Wives?" 

"Sure," the other man responded, "my wife told me to stand here."