World's Stupidest Criminals

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Michael Anthony Fuller, 53, went to his local Lexington, North Carolina, WallMart in 2012 and sought to purchase a vacuum cleaner, a microwave oven and a few other items, totaling $476. He handed the cashier a One Million Dollar bill and demanded his change. 

The staff called police, he was arrested and charged with forgery.

The largest bill in circulation when he tendered his $1m bill was the $100 note. Federal officials stopped making bills up to $10,000 in 1969 because of lack of public use.

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Rashad Delawala held up Ladbrokes, the bookies, in Southsea, England in 2011, with an imitation firearm and wearing a balaclava. He was apprehended after he dropped his balaclava with his DNA on it.

Delawala had an accomplice in the robbery who drove the getaway car and suspicion fell on Delawala’s friend Jonathon Ochola. 

He denied being the accomplice and asserted that he been at home watching the football with his brother. What sank Ochola however was the entry in Ochola’s dairy for the date of the robbery:

Detective Constable Mel Sinclair, who led the investigation, said: “When we found the diary we thought it was quite unusual. You don’t normally get a good piece of evidence like that.”

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A burglar broke into a dwelling house in Baltimore, Maryland on November 23, 1978. There, he assaulted the female occupant and then ransacked the house looking for money. All he could find was $11 in cash. He asked the victim how she paid her bills and she replied that she did so by cheque. He thereupon ordered her to write out a cheque for $50, which she did. She asked who she should make it out to and he replied “Charles A Merweather”, his real name. He was on the ball though – he warned her that if the cheque bounced, he would be back. 

Charles A Meriweather was arrested a few hours later.

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Mrs Hollis Sharpe lived in LA and took her poodle for a daily walk. Being a civic minded dog owner, she carried a plastic bag to collect her poodle’s faeces when it did its business.

One evening, walking back home with a loaded plastic bag in her right hand and dog leash in her left, she was attacked from behind by a mugger. He knocked her to the ground, grabbed the plastic bag, jumped into a waiting car, and drove off with his criminal proceeds. Mrs Sharpe’s arm was broken in the fall, but afterwards whenever she would relate this incident to her friends, she would good-humouredly say, "I only wish there had been a little more in the bag."

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A 1985 report from United Press International:

OKLAHOMA CITY –

Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in district court this week when he decided to fire his lawyer and act as his own attorney. District Judge James L. Gullett agreed, and assistant District Attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, did a fair job up until the time the manager of the store testified he was the robber.

Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, 'I should have blown your fucking head off.'

The defendant paused for a moment, then quickly added, 'If I'd been the one that was there.'

It took the jury 20 minutes Tuesday to convict Newton of armed robbery and recommend he be given a 30-year sentence. 

http://www.upi.com/Archives/1985/10/23/Dennis-Newton-was-on-trial-for-the-armed-robbery/7718498888000/