Funny Friday

Good Friday morning readers.

Sorry for there not being a Bytes yesterday, time got away from me.

So here we are, another Friday and time for some humour.

“What’s that???” I imagine you are thinking. “Why is the Corn Corner logo at the beginning? It’s usually at the end.”

This week is a little different . . . get set to groan because the whole post today is corn, corn and more corn. My apologies if any of them are too good to qualify for Corn Corner.

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The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

“What’s the bad news?” asks the accused.

“The bad news is, your blood 
is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”

“What’s the good news?”

“Your cholesterol is 130.”

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Been reading the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

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So what if I can’t spell Armageddon, it’s not the end of the world.

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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says “A beer please, and one for the road.”

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Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says “Does this taste funny to you?”

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“Knock, knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“Europe.”

“Europe who?”

“No, you’re a poo!”

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Some punny jokes . . . 

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· There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

499

· What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge

· What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge

· The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?

Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.

· Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?

The alligators are all at the birthday party.

· Sally dies anyways. Why?

She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

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Helen Keller walked into a bar. Then a chair. Then a table.

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Menstruation jokes aren’t funny. Period.

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What's Forrest Gump's password?

1Forrest1

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Knock, Knock. 

Who's there? 

Dave. 

Dave who? 

Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

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I have Alzheimers but at least I don’t have Alzheimers.

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"The train to Edinburgh will leave from platform three at 20 minutes to four,” said the man over the intercom at Victoria Station. “The Birmingham express will leave from platform two at half past five. And those of you who are going to Dublin, listen closely. Keep an eye on the clock and when the big hand is pointing straight to the top and the little hand’s right at the bottom, then you go and get on your train, which is the big green one.”

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A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to prom. First he goes to get a tux but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. 

Next, he hast to get some flowers so he goes to a florist and there is a huge flower line there. It takes forever but he gets the flowers. 

Next he heads to get a limo, unfortunately there is a long limo line at the rental office and it takes a long time but he gets the job done. 

Finally the day of the prom comes and the two are dancing happily and are having a good time. When the song is over she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there is no punchline.

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Have a good long weekend people in New South Wales, Monday being a public holiday because it’s the Queen’s birthday. Well, it isn’t really, she was born on 21 April, 1926 but the second Monday in June is always used as the date of celebration of the monarch’s birthday.