Some Limericks

I came across a limerick that I have previously posted, one that I like:

There once was a Jew from Peru
Who was vainly attempting to screw.
His wife screamed "Oy vey,
If you keep up this way,
The Messiah will come before you."

It reminded me that it's been a while since there has been a Limericks post so here are some.

A word of caution, some are risque.

Some may also have been posted previously.

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A wanton young lady from Wimley,
Reproached for not acting quite primly,
Said, "Heavens above!
I know sex isn't love,
But it's such an entrancing facsimile."

The was a man named Sir Lancelot
Who went to parties and danced a lot.
When making a pass
At a young pretty lass
The front of his pants would advance a lot!

A remarkable race are the Persians;
They have such peculiar diversions.
They make love the whole day
In the usual way
And save the nights for perversions.

There was a young girl named Sapphire
Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
She said: "It's a sin,
But now that it's in,
Could you shove it a few inches higher?"

"If you're aristocratic", said Nietzsche,
"It's thumbs up, you're O.K., pleased to meet ye.
If you're working-class bores,
It's thumbs down and up yours!
If you don't know your place, then I'll teach ye."

Though the world relied on the horse,
Names of cars filled Shakespeare's discourse:
There's Romeo for one
(Alfa's better than none),
Mistress Ford and Portia, of course.

To temptation I'm quick to submit,
I regret many sins, I admit.
Yet this is no boast:
I regret the most,
Those sins that I failed to commit!

Two fairies were flitting one day,
In the meadow where they liked to play.
When the male made a pass,
At the other (a lass),
Showing not quite all fairies are gay.

A thrifty young fellow of Shoreham
Made brown paper trousers and woreham.
He looked nice and neat
Till he bent in the street
To pick up a dime, then he toreham.

Said Queen Isabella of Spain,
'I like it now and again;
But I wish to explain:
That by "now and again"
I mean now, and AGAIN and AGAIN.'

There was a young lady from Putney,
Who was given to sexual gluttony.
Warned a pious old duffer,
"Your morals will suffer."
"That's what you think," she said. "I ain't got any."