Funny Friday

Good morning readers.

The theme for today's Funny Friday is Halloween (with a couple of items being repeats). 

Enjoy.

(Caution: risque language follows)

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I got so sick of the trick or treaters at Halloween that I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in.

Fuck the ships. My lighthouse, my rules.

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Just thought I'd nip over to my Nan's, and fair play to her, at 96, she had all the Halloween decorations up, cobwebs and insects in the windows and a skeleton on the couch.

She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer...I'll pop back next year.

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Went trick-or-treating last night. Every house I called at slammed the door back in my face.

Maybe going as a Jehovah's Witness wasn't the best idea.

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On Halloween I shouted through to the wife.

"Honey there's a witch at the door what shall I do?"

She replied, "Just give her some sweets and tell her to fuck off."

My mother-in-law hasn't spoken to me since.

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How's everyone holding up? It's crazy out there! I've killed 15 zombies so far! 

And why the hell are they all carrying candy?

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Corn Corner:

A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral to the story: The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.