Bytes: Funny Friday

______________________________

Here we are at another Friday, forget that sailors think of Friday as a bad luck day (never start a voyage on a Friday) or that Friday is especially bad news when coupled with the the 13th day of the month. Friday, named after Frigg, the Goddess of the Clouds and the wife of the god Odin in Norse mythology, is the end of the week. Most importantly, it is Funny Friday.
______________________________

Byter Leo sent me an email that has more truth than humour in it. It is a wry observation of today's society:

That also introduces today's theme: grandparents.
______________________________

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50." The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "It's his turn with the teeth."

______________________________

An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!"

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week."

The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens."

The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

______________________________

Two elderly grandparents from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really! Like a newborn baby?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants"

______________________________

A group of 40 year old buddies get together and discuss where they should meet for dinner.

After plenty of conversation, it is finally agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and are pretty.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group once again discusses where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant has a beautiful view of the ocean.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they have never been there before.

______________________________

A grandfather who had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100%. The grandpa went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To which the elderly man replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

______________________________

A little girl was sitting on her grandmothers lap as she read her a book. She repeatedly touched her grandmothers cheek and then her own fascinated by the difference. “Grandma” she asked, “Did God make you?” “Yes dear,” Grandma replied, “God made me a long time ago.” “Did God make me?” she asked. “Yes, God made you too.” Answered Grandma. “Well he sure has gotten better over the years, hasn’t he?

______________________________

I was visiting my grandson and his wife last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. "This is the 21st century, old man," he said. "We don’t waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."

I can tell you, that fly never knew what hit it…