Vintage Valentines

Nothing says Valentine’s Day more than a bowl of popcorn with one kernel hitting on another one. And all in front of the ol' red, white and blue. Far kernel.

After all those years of Corn Corner, how can I not include this? Ear ear.

Hmmm. . . gender stereotyping at an early age. Who here remembers typewriters? Needless to say, it allows punning that rival the corn puns above. Should see a doctor about the swelling of arms and legs - fluid retention?

The card writers must have worked overtime at corny puns at Valentines Day in the past.

Creepy. And nailing the dog to the skateboard, even if it was dead, is an outrageous thing to do.

Just an old fashioned girl with body issues, even then.

Is she dead? Asleep? Unconscious? Maybe he hasn't heard of informed consent.

What is with the trophy head on the wall at top?

Is that a floating island under a monstrously big umbrella? A young Sylvester Stallone?

So this is where angels live when they’re not angeling (I made that word up – feel free to use it, it is not copyright protected)

What is it with these big umbrellas? Do they make young boys want to hit on adolescent girls? And “ain’t” ain’t good grammar Mr Funny Boots and Big Hat.

Card manufacturer to employee: 

“What card are you working on for Valentine’s Day, Smithers?”

“A big bunch of red roses, sir.”

“Good...”

“And on top of the roses is a fairy.”

“Yes, go on.”

“It’s a girl fairy, and she has no clothes on, and she has a fishing rod.”

”What’s she fishing for Smithers?”

“I haven’t worked that out yet sir...”

Shite artwork and shite poetry.

Here’s a better one about Mary and her lamb:

Mary had a little lamb.

She tied it to a pylon.

10,000 volts went up its arse,

And turned its wool to nylon.

Some more:

Mary had a little lamb

She also had a bear.

I've often seen her little lamb

but never seen her bare

Mary had a little lamb

you've heard this tale before

did you know she passed the plate

and had a little more?

Mary had a little lamb

She also had a duck

She put them on the windowsill

To see if they would fall off.

A public service announcement 

If this doesn’t melt her heart, she must be dead. A real panty-dropper, this card.

What does this remind me of? Oh, yes, I remember . . .

Another guaranteed panty dropper. Just watch the look of amazement that will cross her face as she reads this card, she’s yours.