Funny Friday

My birthday falls on New Year's Day. Here are some of the cards received . . .

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Thanks to those who sent me cards and text messages, made phone calls and spoke to me personally in the midst of New Year celebrations.  Don't feel bad if your card isn't posted, those cards are an introduction to today's theme: birthdays.

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I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, "Nothing would make me happier than diamond earrings." 

So I got her nothing.

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I hate being the only drunk person at a party.

It totally ruined my son's sixth birthday.

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Last year my wife was furious that I missed her birthday, and insisted that in future I should plan at least two months in advance.

Well it's her birthday in 8 weeks time, and I'm pleased to say I've already bought her her present.

She's going to love these flowers.

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My wife accused me of ruining her birthday yesterday.

"Bollocks!" I said. "I didn't even know it was your birthday."

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It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. "Oh, I don't know", she said. "Just give me something with diamonds". That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.

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A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then they were off to a movie theatre where they ate popcorn and sweets and drank Cola. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

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Corn Corner:

My mate Jim was born on the 29th of February in a leap year.

We're gonna go down the pub tonight and party like there's no tomorrow.

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