The following item was sent to me by Byter Nadia. Because of its length it will be in parts.
I was amazed, on first reading, at the profound life truths summed up in such simple charts and graphs. Some of them have appeared in Bytes before but even those are worthy of a repost.
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Facts of Life Illustrated
Danish writer Mikael Wulff and cartoon artist Anders Morgenthaler – the creative duo known as Wumo – has created a brilliant series of graphs that illustrate some of the basic painful truths of everyday life in the Western world.
Their graphs and diagrams are snarky and sarcastic but, for the most part, true. This, coupled with their simple and official-looking design, makes them a delight to look at.
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And for those who like their humour in word format or other than by charts, a couple of items. . .
Risque content follows.
You know that classic oldie about how Native Americans get their names. . .
A Native American lad asks the tribe’s chief how he names the tribe’s children. “When a papoose is born,” says the chief, “I enter the teepee and hold the child in my arms, then I walk outside and the first thing I see is what I name that child. That is why your brother is named Lone Eagle and your sister is Moonlight on Water. Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?”
I came across a reference to a possible source for that joke, a book called Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett. Even if that book is not the origin of the joke, the variation in the book on the classic joke is quite witty:
"Why are you called One-Man-Bucket?"
"...In my tribe we're traditionally named after the first thing my mother sees when she looks out of the tepee after the birth. It's short for One-Man-Pouring-a-Bucket-of-Water-Over-Two-Dogs."
"That's pretty unfortunate."
"It's not too bad. It was my twin brother you had to feel sorry for. She looked out ten seconds before me to give him his name."
"Don't tell me, let me guess. Two-Dogs-Fighting?"
"Two-Dogs-Fighting? Two-Dogs-Fighting? Wow, he would have given his right arm to be called Two-Dogs-Fighting."
And a further variation:
Back in 2001, Chrysler was running an ad that praised the roomy interior of its Concorde model.
The ad showed a Chrysler Concorde being driven through a leafy suburban neighborhood.
A prim mom, who looks vaguely like Hillary Clinton, is driving with her young daughter. "Mom," the girl asks earnestly, "How did I get my name?" Mom, equally earnest, smiles warmly and says, "We named you kids after the places where you were conceived." Daughter: "So, that's why I'm named Savannah." Mom, smiling and pleased: "Right." At this point a female voice-over remarks, "Some like the redesigned Chrysler Concorde for its engaging style and engineering." Then another question occurs to the little girl. "But Mom, how did she get the name Concorde?" Mom's smile drops, and they both look at the infant strapped into a car seat in the back. Mom doesn't answer, and the earnest daughter's eyes fall on the car's name engraved in the dashboard. Mom smiles weakly.
The girl stares at her, appalled. The voice-over butts in again to say, "Others just like its really big back seat." We cut to an exterior shot of the car puttering through the burbs, as we hear the daughter say, "Aw, yuk, Mom."
Unfortunately complaints forced the ad to be taken off air.
See the ad by clicking on:
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More risque content:
Three young women are at a cocktail party.
The conversation turns to their position in life and it’s clear that they are trying to one-up each other.
The first one says, “My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation” and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.
The second one says, “Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes,” and looks about with considerable pride.
Number three says, “Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don’t have much money and we don’t have any material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that thirteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis.”
After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, “Girls, I’ve got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well, it’s not to the French Riviera, it’s to my parents’ house for two weeks.”
The second one says, “Your honesty has shamed me. It’s not a Mercedes, he bought me a Plymouth.”
“Well,” the third one says, “I also have a confession to make, canary number thirteen has to stand on one leg!”
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Corn Corner:
#1:
#2:
I'm holding a latte and a croissant while I break into this Mercedes... That way people will think its mine and I locked my keys inside!
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