Funny Friday

Some Friday Funnies to end the week but be warned, some are risque . . .

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If Scotland gains its independence after the forthcoming referendum, the remainder of the United Kingdom will be known as the "Former United Kingdom" (F U K). 

In a bid to discourage Scots from voting 'yes' in the referendum, the Westminster has now begun to campaign with the slogan: "Vote NO, for F U K's sake"

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After announcing he was getting married, a Scot tells his pal he will be wearing the kilt.  "What's the tartan?" asks his mate.  "She'll be wearing a white dress," he replies.

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Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently security doesn’t appreciate it when you call “shotgun” before boarding a plane

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A farmer and his daughter were coming back from town with their money from some sales and a large sack of flour when all of a sudden these highway men held them up and robbed them of everything.

A few minutes later the farmer exclaims, "We're ruined, all the money's gone and there's no flour for bread."

Then his daughter says, "No, papa, I hid the money in my U-know-what."

The farmer said, "You're a good girl, but if your mama was here she could have saved the sack of flour as well!"

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Corn Corner:

I needed my piano tuned, but my regular tuner was out so I hired this other guy, John Oppernockety, who tuned it.  A few hours later it went back out  of tune so I called him to please come back and re-tune the piano.  He said "Sorry, friend, but Oppernockety only tunes once". 

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