Funny Friday

Warning: some risque content included

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Imagine my joy when I was getting out the Christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year. Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box.

Such a pity it was a puppy.

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Only five shopping days 'til Christmas!

Or if you're a male - only four and a half days 'til you start your Christmas shopping.

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I hear Dominoes are making a special Christmas pizza.

It's called the 'Good King Wenceslas' because it's Deep Pan, Crisp and Even!

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I went to the garden centre today and bought a Christmas Tree.

The assistant asked me "Will you be putting that up yourself?"

I replied: "No you sick f***, I'll be putting it up in my living room"

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A woman went into a post office to buy some stamps for her Christmas cards. "What denomination do you want?" asked the lady at the counter. "Good God!"' she replied, "Has it come to this? I suppose you'd better give me twenty Catholic and twenty Presbyterian."

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Limerick Spot:

The ampersand's such a h&dy device,

Because it's compact and concise.

As in Jessica T&y

Or Mahatma G&hi.

Okay, it's not gr&. but it's nice.