Funny Friday

A mixed bag of humour today, folks, with some attention to the Royal Bub . . . 

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...and some quickies, courtesy of Sickipedia:

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Prince William revealed today that he changed his first nappy.

Unfortunately, it was the Queen's.

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I for one am sick to death of hearing about this baby, and I think everyone else is too.

Perhaps not the best words to say to my newly pregnant girlfriend.

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The Queen has called St Mary's Hospital several times today looking for an update on the royal baby.

So far, four nurses have committed suicide.

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I've been trying to buy a train ticket online for over an hour now and I'm getting pissed off.

It keeps asking me, 'Where do you want to go?'

So I click on the icon that says 'Home' and then it makes me start again.

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We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours.

They seem like nice people.

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"Hi, I'm Jane," she said.

"I'm Christopher," I replied, "but everyone calls me Dick for short."

"How do you get Dick from Christopher?" she asked.

"You ask nicely," I said.

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All Jay-Z's problems have been undone by his brother, Ctrl-Z.

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I've just made the best recipe for tofu ever! 

Simply brush generously with extra virgin olive oil before lightly tossing it in the bin.

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Mel Smith's death has been reported on BBC News, Channel 5 News, Sky News, CNN and the News at Ten.

But not the 9 O'Clock News.

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I'm no Tour de France expert but it seems that the best way to win is to wear a yellow t-shirt

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My wife pointed out that our son is a hairdresser, drives a Mazda, and loves musical theatre. 

If he's not careful, the guys he has stay for sleep overs will think he's gay.

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My mate Steven who shares the same name as me, thought it funny to erase the letters 'St' from my pencil case. So during break I did the same to his.

Now we're even.

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Recently, my wife and I got a stuffed elephant for our living room.

"It'll be great!" I said. "It'll be a huge talking point at our dinner party this weekend."

But nobody mentioned it.

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So Detroit is bankrupt and the unpaid police officers are considering going on strike.

In other news, OCP have built a robot police officer...

Limerick spot:

An old archeologist, Throstle,

Discovered a marvelous fossil.

He knew from its bend

And the knob on the end,

'Twas the peter of Paul the Apostle.