Funny (Good) Friday

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Caution:

The following potpourri of Easter humour from Sickipedia is sometimes irreverent . . . 

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How to make Easter easier - replace the t with an i. 

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A real Easter miracle would be for Jesus to turn water into reasonably priced petrol. 

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I sent my obese neighbours a card which said "Happy Eaters".

Now I've got to convince them I'm dyslexic. 

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God, it makes me laugh to think about all the lies my parents told me when I was a kid. Like how Santa Claus left presents for me under the tree for being a good boy all year, and how the Easter Bunny hid chocolate eggs around the house for praying hard to Jesus, and how the Sodomy Fairy bought me a bike for not saying anything to my mum... 

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What did Jesus say to his 12 apostles as he was being nailed to the cross?

"Don't touch my Easter eggs, I'll be back on Monday." 

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For Easter I made my girlfriend a life-size model of a bunny rabbit purely from my own belly button fluff.

But it was creepy apparently.

Turns out she really wanted a 'Lindt' Bunny. 

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So Easter is coming up, a holiday that we use to celebrate the day that Jesus rose from the dead... By eating chocolate eggs... That are delivered by a rabbit

Who, was smoking what, when they came up with that shit? 

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I'm combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I'm sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven't hidden. 

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Trying to work out an anagram for Easter is a real teaser 

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(The following item has been posted previously in Bytes but is worth reposting for Easter).

Years ago in Ireland, there was a priest who was very anti-British. Every Sunday he would blast them from the pulpit, becoming so notorious that the Pope himself summoned the priest to Rome for an audience. 

"Father," said the Pope, "I want to see peace between the British and the Irish. You're not helping matters at all. I want you to kiss my ring and swear by the Blessed Virgin that you'll never so much as mention the British in public again." 

"But Your Holiness, I ... I ... " the priest stammered. 

"No buts," said the Pope. "Swear it here and now or there'll be trouble!"

"Aye, Holy Father," sighed the father. "All right. I swear it."

The very next Sunday just happened to be Easter, and the priest was back at his pulpit in Ireland, giving his annual Easter sermon. 

He got to the part of the Easter story where Jesus said, "And one of you shall betray Me." 

The priest continues: "Saint Andrew jumps up and says, 'Is it I, Lord?' and the Lord says, 'Nay, Andy darlin', it's not you. Sit down now and dunna worry. Eat your supper.'

Then Saint John the Divine gets up with tears in his eyes and cries, 'Is it I, Lord?' And the Lord says, 'Nay, Johnny me boy, it's not you. Sit ye down now and dunna fret yourself. Eat your supper.'

"Then that dirty dog Judas Iscariot slowly rises to his feet. And he looks the Lord right in the eye and says, 'Cor blimey, mate. You fink it's me?'" 

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Corn Corner:

It's a while since we've had some corn and this is a good one. . . 

Arnold Schwarzenegger was upset that his mum never got him any Easter eggs.

She said, "I thought that you didn't like Easter anymore!" 

Arnie replied, "I still love Easter baby!"

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And a Happy Easter to all the Byters