Funny Friday

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I work in McDonald's and a customer was rude to me today, so I got him back by not putting any Coke in his drink.

Just ice was served. 

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Our neighbour's dog shat in our garden, so my mum told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence.

I don't see what that solved, now we've got dog shit in our garden and the neighbours have our shovel. 

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A newspaper photographer was assigned to take pictures of a huge forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire. 

The photographer arrived at the airstrip about an hour before sunset. Sure enough, a small plane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" 

The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically. 

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "And make several low passes." 

"Why?" asked the nervous pilot. 

"Ah, because I'm going to take pictures!" said the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" 

"You mean you're not the flight instructor?!" 

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"Jump in and I'll take you home," I said to my dwarf neighbour, who was sitting at the bus stop today.

"Piss off!" he replied.

"Suit yourself then," I said, as I straightened up my backpack and continued with my walk.

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An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the garden. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she was old enough to ask the question, then she was old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he had finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mum told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in a couple of secs."

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There once was a lady from Thrace,
Whose corset no longer would lace,
Her father said "Nellie,
There's more in your belly,
Than ever went in through your face."

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