Funny Friday

Caution: risqué content.

Readers who are subscribers to this blog, and who therefore receive their Bytes as emails, will have noticed some glitches in the last few days.  For reasons unknown to me, the formatting has been showing at some points, which is annoying in that nothing shows when I check it before posting.  My apologies, I am meeting with our computer techie tomorrow and I hope he will diagnose and fix the problem.

That also introduces the theme for this week’s Funny Friday:  mistakes . . .

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A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace".

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.' "

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An executive was in quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff and had narrowed it down to one of two people, either Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work. He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go.

Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take a couple of aspirins and the executive approached her.  He said, "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."

She replied "Could you please jack off?  I have a terrible headache.".”

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A plane had three passengers: a priest, a boy scout and the Brain of Britain.

The pilot came from the cockpit wearing a parachute, stated that the plane was in auto pilot mode and that the plane would crash in a few minutes.  He also said that there was a more serious problem, there were three of them and only two parachutes so they would have to decide who was not going to get a parachute. Then he jumped out of the plane.

The Brain of Britain said, "I have to have a parachute as the world definitely needs me because I am the Brain of Britain.”  Then he grabbed one, put it on and jumped out of the aeroplane.

The priest turned to the boy scout and said, "I am ready to meet my Maker. I have lived a full and fruitful life, please  take the parachute and go and make your mark on the world."

To which the boy scout replied, "No, Father, we can both go.  The Brain of Britain jumped out with my rucksack.”

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Corn Corner:

Did you hear about the nervous bank robber on his first job?  He said to the teller “Don’t stick around, this is a fuck up.”