Funny Friday

 

Something came up in conversation the other day about the Isle of Wight, an English island located in the English Channel and separated from the mainland by a strait called the Solent.  It brought to mind the only thing I know about the Isle of Wight, an old joke:  What’s dirty and brown, and comes out of Cowes backwards?  Answer: the Isle of Wight ferry.  The humour lies in the play on words, Cowes being a seaside town on the island.  The joke falls a bit flat in the written format in that the spelling of Cowes is immediately visible.  It really is a spoken joke.

Not so for the following bits of bovine banter, but be warned, they are also bawdy . . .

A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this" said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it's rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That’s when I made my mistake." "What did you do?", asked the doctor. "Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, "Hey! This looks like yours!" 

Sam shyly eyed Susie as they watch his father's bull and her father's cow.

"I wish I was doin' that!" he blurted.

"Why don't you, Sam," said Susie. "After all, it's your cow."

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed.

His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down with her left foot so I tied up her left to a pole. 

I began to fill up the bucket again and she kicked it down with her right foot, so I tied her right to a pole too.

As soon as I finished milking her again she knocked down the bucket with her tail and I took off my belt and tied up her tail with my belt. 

As I was tying up her tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain!

A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name. "Well," said the would-be cattleman, "I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son like the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y." "But where are all your cattle?" the friends asked. "None survived the branding."