Something came up in conversation
the other day about the Isle of Wight, an English island located in the English
Channel and separated from the mainland by a strait called the Solent. It brought to mind the only thing I know
about the Isle of Wight, an old joke:
What’s dirty and brown, and comes out of Cowes backwards? Answer: the Isle of Wight ferry. The humour lies in the play on words, Cowes
being a seaside town on the island. The
joke falls a bit flat in the written format in that the spelling of Cowes is
immediately visible. It really is a
spoken joke.
Not so for the following bits of
bovine banter, but be warned, they are also bawdy . . .
A
man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a
five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this" said the man. "I was having a quiet
round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls
into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting
around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it's rear end. I
walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with
my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That’s
when I made my mistake." "What did you do?", asked the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, "Hey! This
looks like yours!"
Sam
shyly eyed Susie as they watch his father's bull and her father's cow.
"I
wish I was doin' that!" he blurted.
"Why
don't you, Sam," said Susie. "After all, it's your cow."
A
farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed.
His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down with her left foot so I tied up her left to a pole.
I
began to fill up the bucket again and she kicked it down with her right foot,
so I tied her right to a pole too.
As soon as I finished milking her again she knocked down the bucket with her tail and I took off my belt and tied up her tail with my belt.
As
I was tying up her tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well,
trust me, some things you just can't explain!
A
New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle.
Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name. "Well," said the
would-be cattleman, "I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q,
one son like the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we're calling it
the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y." "But where are all your
cattle?" the friends asked. "None survived the branding."
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