Reader Contribution: Kiwi-Speak, from Ali

Byter Ali sent me an item “How to Speak New Zealander”. 

For the benefit of overseas readers, the Australian and New Zealand accents are not the same, just as Canadian accents are different from American accents.  Like Canadians, who don’t like it when they are mistaken for Americans, New Zealanders (usually referred to as Kiwis, after their national emblem, not the fruit) get upset when mistaken for Australians.  It is also common for Australians to tell Kiwi jokes.  Some examples:

Q:  Why wasn’t Jesus born in New Zealand?

A:  Because they couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.

Have you heard that the New Zealanders have discovered two new uses for sheep?  Meat and wool. 
(This is a common topic, that New Zealand males, especially those on the land, have an attraction to sheep).

As a quick guide to Kiwispeak:

·        New Zealanders pronounce words with the “i” sound, as in “in”, as a “u” sound, as in “un”.  Thus “pin” is pronounced” “pun”, “fish and chips” becomes “fush and chups” and a cutting is a baby cat.

·        Words that have an “e” or “a” sound, as in “pen”, are pronounced with an “i” sound, as in “pin”.  Hence “ten” becomes “tin” and a New Zealander who hears the word “lift” thinks not of an elevator but of the opposite of “right”.

There are other changes as well, as will be apperent frum the thungs nixt:

Here is Ali’s item:

A further item to assist those who might be travelling, or thinking of travelling to New Zealand in the future:

One final item to illustrate, a joke previously posted in Bytes:

One Kiwi to another:  “What’s a Hindu?”

The other:  “Lays eggs, bro”.