Funny Friday

 

My friend Arthur and I were discussing weight loss and I said I would use that as the theme for the Funny Friday segment.

Let me qualify that by saying that I am not talking about “Yo mama...” jokes (“Yo mama's so fat, her baby pictures were taken by satellite” etc).  I believe that the humour below is amusing without being cruel.

Fat jokes are non PC and taboo these days, so much so that the TV sitcom Mike and Molly has drawn flak for its fat jokes, even though many are made by the overweight stars of the show themselves.

Funnily enough, the day after my discussion with Arthur I attended a conference in the city and was driving back.  Whilst I was stopped in traffic at Broadway in Ultimo, near the area where the old Tooths Brewery site is being redeveloped, I looked idly out of my driver’s side window to my right and was surprised to see a shop with the following signage:

Here’s another of the under awning sign:

Google “Chubby girls bunz” if you want to see some reviews of the establishment, it’s apparently an el-cheapo Asian takeaway that hasn’t been there long, which would account for my not having noticed it before.

And here is my selection of overweight humour:  Caution, there is some risque language . . .

After queuing up for almost half an hour in the chemist last week, I finally got to the counter and the woman looked at me and said, "I'm really sorry about your wait."

In a rattled state, I replied, "You're not so fucking skinny yourself, actually."

A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"

The man behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat you lard arse."

Which reminds me of a couple of moments that my wife, Kate, would probably rather forget.

#1:

About 10 years ago son Elliot was 8 years old and still with his baby fat, a fact of which he was aware and self conscious. 

Kate often used affectionate endearments when talking to Elliot and his brother Thomas, small nonsense terms that are also often used by others. within families.

In one conversation with Elliot Kate was going to call him “pumpkin”. She was also going to call him “lamb chop”.  Unfortunately her mind and tongue did the equivalent of tripping over one’s own feet and the words that came out were neither pumpkin or lamb chop but “pork chop”. 

#2:

Shortly afterwards, Kate again mixed up two of her occasional terms of endearment in conversation with Elliot.  This time the intended “chicken” and “monkey” came out as “chunky”.

In the space of two weeks Kate had accidentally called Elliot pork chop and chunky.