Funny Friday

 

In recognition of the Diamond Jubilee celebration and that this coming Monday, the Queen’s birthday, is a public holiday in Australia, today’s Funny Friday is a collection of anecdotes about royalty.

Early on in their marriage, Princess Elizabeth and Prince Philip were crossing the water to Vancouver Island in Canada. The weather was unsettled and the ship was rocking violent. Just as a young petty officer arrived in the royal suite, the ship lurched and the tray of tea cakes he was holding fell to the floor. Surprisingly, Philip jumped onto his hands and knees and helped to gather them up. After retrieving a handful of cakes he returned to his seat and turned to Elizabeth and playfully remarked, "I've got mine--yours are down there."

Prince Philip was visiting an Australian University where he was introduced to a couple identified as "Mr & Dr. Robinson". The husband explained, "My wife is a doctor of philosophy. She is much more important than I." Prince Philip sympathetically replied, "Ah, yes. We have that trouble in our family, too."

The date of Queen Elizabeth II's coronation (June 2, 1953) was selected after extensive consultation with British meteorologists, who determined that June 2nd was the most consistently sunny day in the calendar. Needless to say, it rained.

Whilst waiting to be served her Gin & Tonic, the Queen Mum could hear two openly gay members of her staff arguing in the hallway outside her sitting room. Impatient at being kept waiting so long the Queen Mother eventually called out "When you two old Queens have finished arguing, this Old Queen wants her Gin."

"The King and Queen paid a visit to Lancashire during the war, when I was Chief Constable," Sir Eric St Johnston later recalled. "Food was very short at the time and when the King and Queen went in to lunch they were somewhat taken aback to see an enormous Lancashire spread laid out before them. The Queen was not amused and in an acid voice she said to the Mayor, 'You know, Mr Mayor, while food is so short in this country we don't have any more food on the table at Buckingham palace than is allowed to the ordinary householder according to the rations for the week.' 'Ah well,' the Mayor replied, quite unabashed, 'then thou'll be glad of a bit of a do like this.'"

In 1952, the Coronation year, Queen Elizabeth II was honoured with a dubious title: she was named Time magazine's "Man of the Year".

Whilst inspecting the Guard at Buckingham Place one day with Noel Coward, the Queen Mother glanced across at Noel and caught his eye lingering upon an attractive young soldier. The Queen Mother lent towards him and said "I wouldn't if I was you Noel... they count them before they go back in."

While lunching with Queen Elizabeth at Buckingham Palace one day, the trade unionist Hugh Scanlon attacked a roast potato with such vigour that it shot from his plate and landed on the floor. As Scanlon sat blushing, a royal corgi waddled up, sniffed the fallen item - and disdainfully left it, uneaten, at his feet.

The Queen's response?  "Not your day, is it Mr Scanlon?"

While attending a private dinner party at an exclusive men's club in London one evening, Queen Elizabeth peeked into a lounge to admire its paintings. "Not in there, Bet," Prince Philip warned and the queen withdrew, but not before she was spotted by an elderly member dozing by the fire. "Who was that woman?" he grumbled. "What's she doing here?" "That was the queen, my lord," a waiter replied. "Well, dammit, she shouldn't be here," the old man grumbled. "Members only, you know..."

Corn Corner:

It's a bit dated and appears from time to time using different names, but still a goodie:

G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you."

She conference calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

Tony Blair replies, "It's me!" and hangs up.

G.W. Bush then calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

And Cheney says, "Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you."

So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

And Colin Powell says, "It's me!"

So Cheney calls Bush and says, "It's Colin Powell."

And Bush says, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"