(Caution: risqué item follows)
By way of introduction to the first Funny
Friday item, which is an oldie but a goodie, I will mention that it came up in
a discussion with my son about dancing.
Notwithstanding that King David honoured the
Lord by dancing (2 Samuel 6: 14-16), dancing has long had a strong sexual
content. George Bernard Shaw recognised
this when he described it as “the vertical expression of a horizontal desire
legalised by music.”
Those who have read Edward Albee’s play
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf may recall the scene where Martha is dancing
provocatively with Nick, while her husband George and Nick’s mousey wife,
Honey, watch:
HONEY:
They're dancing like they've danced before.
GEORGE:
It's a familiar dance ... they
both know it ..MARTHA: Don't be shy.
NICK: I'm ...not
GEORGE [to HONEY]: It's a very old ritual, monkey-nipples. . . old as they come.
As a digression, the roles of Martha and
George in the movie version were superbly acted by Elizabeth Taylor and Richard
Burton. The latter should have received an Oscar.
It’s interesting, is it not, that as
attitudes towards sex have become more liberal and morality has relaxed,
dancing has become less sexual. In past
times when sex was less open, men and women held each other and moved together. Today they don’t touch.
In Judaism, especially in Orthodox
tradition, men and women are separated in some ceremonies and contexts, for
instance in some Orthodox prayer services, weddings and bar mitzvahs.
Currently, the majority of Orthodox Jews do not participate in mixed dancing.
Which leads me to the classic funny about
it.
(A “mitzvah” is a commandment or a moral deed performed as a religious duty).
Preparing for
their religious wedding, a modern Orthodox Jewish couple met with their rabbi
for counselling. Before leaving the meeting, the rabbi asked if they had any
last minute questions.
"Rabbi,"
the man asked, "we realise that it is tradition for men to dance with men,
and women to dance with women, at the reception, but we would like to ask for
your permission to dance together."
"Most
definitely not!" replied the rabbi. "It is immodest. Men and women
always dance separately."
"Then I
can't even dance with my wife after the ceremony?" asked the man.
"NO!"
answered the rabbi. "It is strictly forbidden."
"Well, what
about sex?" the man asked. "Is it permitted for us to finally have
sex?"
"Oh,
certainly," the rabbi said. "Sex is a mitzvah within marriage, to
have children."
"What about
different positions?" the man inquired.
"That's no
problem," said the rabbi. ""It's a mitzvah."
"Even with
the woman on top, or doggy style?" the man asked.
"Sure,"
answered the rabbi. "Go for it, after all, it's a mitzvah."
"Can we
even do it on the bed, with mirrors on the ceiling, a vibrator and a bottle of
hot oil?" asked the man.
"You may
indeed. It's all a mitzvah," the rabbi replied.
"What about
doing it standing up?" asked the man.
"No!
No!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Absolutely not! NEVER standing up!"
"Why
not?" the confused man asked.
"That could
lead to dancing!" the rabbi replied.
An
Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost
everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move
apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this,
Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I
have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While
the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair
rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the
lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and
his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light
up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The
walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out.
The
father said to his son, "Go get your mother."
Doctor: “That sounds like ‘Tom Jones syndrome'. “
Patient: “Is it common?”
Doctor: “It's not unusual.”
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.