Funny Friday on Saturday

 

There was no Funny Friday in that I gave you hot cross buns for Good Friday instead.  So here is the Funny Friday on Saturday.  The theme for today is “religious” . . .

A young boy is doing poorly in math at public school. His mother decides to send him to a private school to rectify the situation. Lo and behold, after a semester in the new private Catholic school, the boy's grades were straight A's, even in math!

Surprised, his mother asked him how he liked his new school. "Oh, it's all right, I guess," he replies. "They must be teaching you some new tricks." "Not really." "Then what do you think is making the difference in your grades?" "Well", he says, "as soon as I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!"

One day in Sunday school, the teacher was talking about Jesus to the kids.

"Bobby, where is Jesus?" asked the teacher.

  

"Jesus is in heaven." replied Bobby.

 "Very good!" said the teacher.

  

The teacher then asked a little girl," Where is Jesus, Emily?"

  

Emily said innocently, "Jesus is in my heart!"

The teacher beamed at little Emily and said, "How very sweet."

  

The teacher now asked Timmy, "Timmy, where is Jesus?"

  

"Jesus is in my bathroom" he said assuredly.

 "Please elaborate, Timmy” the teacher said.

  

Timmy then replied, "Well, every morning my Dad gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!!’ ”

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: “PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS”.

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: “PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT”. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS”.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: “NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN”. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the headline read: “NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00”.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read: “NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE”.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The edicts in 1 Corinthians 11:4-16 for women to have their heads covered in church resulted in formal rules to that effect in various faiths and churches in the past.  Such a requirement was introduced as a universal law for the Latin Rite in Catholic churches in the 1917 Code of Canon Law. It was not addressed in the 1983 revision of the Code, which declared the 1917 Code abrogated. Some have argued that insofar as the requirement was abrogated with no actual replacement edict, it is still obligatory.  Today headcovering, at least during worship services, is still promoted or required in a few denominations and among the more traditional Catholics.  Some other churches such as the Amish, Anabaptists, Pentecostals, and Eastern churches, also require women toi have their heads covered during church attendance.

This requirement has resulted in a whimsical bit of humour . . .

Some years ago a lady arrived at a Catholic church on a Sunday without her head covering. The priest informed her that she couldn't enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appeared wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest said, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without your wearing a blouse."

"But Father, I have a divine right," she informed.

"Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter this Church!"