Funny Friday

Today’s Funny Friday is a mixed bag of visual and written items.  Enjoy.

 A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and conversation turns to their adventures on the sea. The sailor notes the pirate has a peg leg, a hook and an eye patch. 

The sailor asks, "So how did you end up with a peg leg?" 

The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a sea of sharks. Just as my crew were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off." 

"Wow!" said the sailor. "What about your hook?"

"Well," replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible", remarked the sailor. "How did you get the eye patch?"

"A seagull dropping fell into my eye,"  replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Well", said the pirate, "it was my first day with the hook."

 

A man attends confession and tells the priest that he used profane language while playing golf.

The priest asks him to explain the situation so he can decide on his punishment.

The man says “I sliced my drive badly into the trees”.

The priest says “And that’s when you swore.”

The man:  “No, a rabbit picked up my ball and bounded away with it.”

Priest:   “And that’s when you swore?”

Man:  “No.  An eagle swooped down, caught the rabbit and started flying away.”

Priest:   “And that’s when you swore?”

Man:  “No, Father, because the rabbit dropped the ball, it landed on the green and finished six inches from the hole."

Priest:   “Don’t tell me you missed the fucking putt!!!”